3 Reasons I Gave up on Dating…For Now

Usually, I write motivating pieces to inspire people to develop themselves in order to put themselves in a better position in the dating world. I’ve decided to do something a little different today. I’ve hit a rough patch recently, which is to be expected for any serial dater. Today, I’m going to fill you in on why I’ve given up on dating for the immediate future.

    1.  I Just Don’t Have the Time or Energy

I am currently working 60+ hours/week between two jobs. During the day, I work in retail management then overnights at my gym. As you can imagine, with my schedule being so full it’s quite difficult to meet women in person. Sure, there’s endless potential to meet women at my gym but then I run the risk of coming off as a creep. When I first started there I took advantage of my opportunities to meet women but soon realized that not only was this unprofessional, I’m pretty sure I creeped a few women out. I honestly believe the gym (contrary to what many dating sites/coaches suggest) is one of the worst places to meet women. Most women who go to the gym are there with the sole purpose of working out. Big surprise huh?

The other thing about that is now I’ve created an awkward tension between myself and the women I’ve expressed interest in. This puts them in a weird situation because now they may be thinking, “Great, I can’t work out at this particular time of day because the guy at the front desk is going to hit on me. Maybe I’ll switch gyms.” It’s a lose-lose for both parties.

Then, there’s my retail job. I don’t approach women here anymore because it’s just unprofessional. I’ve done it quite a bit and the risk is not worth the reward. At best, I’ve gotten a date or two. At worst, I’ve lost the potential to make sales at my chosen workplace and this could cost my company.

Even on my off days, I’m simply too tired to want to do anything. I’ve got hobbies to indulge and sleep to catch up on, so I’m not enticed to go out and meet people. Online dating helps a lot in my particular situation and is actually my preferred method of meeting women because it gives me the opportunity to swipe right in my rare free time.

 

    2.  Rejection has Hurt my Willingness to Put Myself Out  There

No one said that being single and looking would be easy. Life itself is a constant struggle for acceptance. Whether you’re applying for a job, college, or even for a loan you are constantly putting yourself out there with the risk of being turned down. Now, this is not a self-pitying outlook; it’s more like a call to action.

In my opinion, I put myself out there more than the average joe. Ever since high school, I’ve gone after the women I’ve wanted. I’ve approached women in school hallways as a high school and college student, bus stops and train stations as a commuter, and even out in bars as a horny twentysomething. Sure, every “no” I get brings me closer to a “yes” but after a while this gets demoralizing. Honestly, I should approach more if I want to get the results I’m seeking but there may be a bigger picture here.

I’ve taken my recent string of rejections as a sign. I think I need to shift my priorities and focus on bigger things than dating. This allows me the opportunity to make myself more attractive by working on career advancement, personal development, and mastery of my crafts. Instead of going out and approaching women in my current unconfident state, I have been focusing more on being a better me.

To be honest, the relationships that have worked best for me were the ones that happened naturally. I was focusing on living my life and this attracted women into my life who were genuinely interested in me and I didn’t even have to try.

 

    3.  “What You Pursue Will Elude You”

Here’s an extended quote by an entrepreneur named Jim Rohn:

If you want to have more, you have to become more. Success is not something you pursue. What you pursue will elude you; it will elude you; it can be like trying to chase butterflies. Success is something you attract by the person you become. For things to improve, you have to improve. For things to get better, you have to get better. For things to change, you have to change. When you change, everything changes for you.

I wholeheartedly believe that this applies to dating. For too long, I’ve been wanting to meet someone so bad that I’ve actually repelled them. It sounds weird but I believe it’s true. It’s almost as if the women I meet can smell my desperation. This could be detected in my anxious tone of voice or perhaps from the lustful look in my eyes. The point is, I want it too bad. Just like in point number two, I need time to focus on being better so that I can attract better.

This post isn’t meant to discourage anyone from putting themselves out there, I actually encourage it. This post isn’t me wallowing in self-pity with thoughts of being forever alone; I don’t believe that for one second. This post is to motivate anyone out there who is currently in a dry spell. You’re going to hit a rough patch when it comes to dating. You will get to a point where things seem hopeless and you will feel unlovable. This is okay. Perhaps it’s an indicator that you need to shift your focus and do some self-work. It’s rough times like these that you need to be patient and believe that what you’re looking for is just around the corner.

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What it Means to be Confident

The most attractive thing to a woman is confidence blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, we know.

But why? What is it about a confident man that makes women melt like a sundae on a sunny day? Why is confidence at the top of every list of attractive traits? How can a man become more confident? Let’s talk about it.

To begin with, let’s stop saying confidence. It’s so trite and overused that the word itself seems to lose its meaning. Instead, let’s go with certainty. A confident man is a certain man. He is certain of himself, certain of where he’s going in life, and he is certain of how he’s going to get there. He is certain of his abilities and competencies; certain that he can overcome challenges.

Now here’s why it’s so attractive to women.

A woman needs a leader. She needs to know that the man she chooses to love is reliable and won’t shrink in the face of adversity. A man who lacks certainty cannot be a leader because he doesn’t even trust himself to make the right decisions. Uncertainty is of a feminine nature and will repel a woman. A feminine woman doesn’t want to lead the way, she wants to relax and be her beautiful, flirty, playful self because she knows her man has got everything under control.

So how does a man gain confidence?

Through experience, a man develops confidence. As he deepens his experience in a dedicated area of his life, he learns from his mistakes and moves forward getting better every time. For example, the stereotypical smooth-talking ladies’ man gets laid because he has put in the work of meeting and seducing women. He’s done it time and time again, acknowledging setbacks and making adjustments along the way. He’s gotten to the point to where he is certain of his ability to pick up women and this certainty is what attracts them in the first place.

Women can’t help but fall for a confident man who believes in himself. This type of man comes so few and far between that she fully appreciates and attaches herself to him because she recognizes a diamond when she sees one. If you want to develop your confidence, develop certainty and trust in yourself. You won’t be right about every single decision you make, and you won’t succeed in every challenge you take but you will develop the confidence to become a more competent, thus attractive man.

Let The Woman Choose You

The average guy has a hard enough time meeting and dating a new woman. In today’s dating world where ghosting is more common than a cold, he’s lucky if he can get to her front door. If things go well, he’ll get a second date. If he keeps things interesting and fun, he’ll start seeing her consistently. Then he gets to the point where he knows he likes this girl so he asks something along the lines of “would you like to be my girlfriend?” When she responds in an undesired manner, he’s left with his dick in his hands wondering where he went wrong.

The problem with this is that the relationship proposal is out of context. Poisoned by romantic comedies and tv shows, we guys have fallen into the trap of believing that we must wine and dine a woman for a few dates then lock her down into a relationship. Sure, this actually does work some of the time, but nowadays it’s key to remember that the power has somewhat shifted. In today’s feminist society, women often don’t even want to be locked down in a relationship. At least not so soon anyway. They want to explore their options and have fun before relinquishing their freedom as a dating free agent. Asking a girl for a relationship too soon makes her feel trapped.

I’ve said it a few times before, girls just want to have fun! They enjoy the thrill of a new romance just as much as we do. Part of the fun of a new fling is the mystery. A woman is intrigued by the mysterious guy she just can’t seem to get enough of. She likes where things are going, and she likes getting to know him more and more over time. So when we bring up the relationship conversation, it sucks the fun and suspense out of it. Remember, people want what they can’t have. A man who’s a catch and is difficult to lock down is irresistible to a woman.

This is why it’s important for guys to prioritize their mission in life. When a man is focused on his goals and progression, a woman senses it. She can tell that this is a man of value and it makes him incredibly attractive to her. She can tell that this man is on a journey and she wants to tag along for the ride. A man like this isn’t concerned with relationship titles because he’s too busy focusing on his own life purpose. The irony here is that this man who isn’t concerned with women is the man who has plenty of dating options.

Let the woman be the one to bring up the relationship. Your job as the man is to show her how much of a catch you are by showing her a good time and letting your personality shine. She will be the one to let you know when she is ready to make it official. If a relationship is what she wants, she will be the one asking “so, what are we doing? Where is this going?” When she asks questions like that, then you know you’ve done all of the right things. Until then, you just sit back, relax and show her a good time.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a man wanting a relationship. It just shouldn’t be his first priority. If you are doing all the right things, the woman you are dating will ask YOU for a relationship. She will be able to tell that you are a rare breed of man and will want you to herself after recognizing your high value. Focus on being a better you, and let her do the choosing.

The Insecure Man

What is the biggest turnoff for women?

From bad breath to arrogance, the list of turnoffs can be limitless. Lately, I’ve been having some interesting conversations with women and I noticed that a lot of the things that turn them off can be narrowed down to a couple traits.

Weakness and insecurity.

Why are these traits so unattractive? What is it about a weak, insecure man that makes a woman’s stomach turn?

To begin with, this is not going to be a post about why self-confidence is so important, because you’ve heard it all before. Instead, I’m going to dive into exactly why the opposite trait is so repulsive.

Women with a strong feminine essence unknowingly desire a man who is a strong leader. They seek a man who can take direction and make the woman feel like everything will be just fine. A strong, confident leader has the mindset that they can achieve anything they put their mind to and that any obstacle that arises can be overcome through endurance and perseverance. When a feminine woman is with a strong, confident man, she can relax and let him lead the way knowing that everything will be okay. He can handle whatever comes their way.

On the other hand, an insecure man will shrink in the face of adversity. He does not have the resilience to bounce back from a setback nor does he have the self-assurance to believe in himself. A strong-minded woman with a feminine essence can never really feel secure with a weak, insecure man. If a problem arises, he will likely become anxious and fearful and this will easily be felt by the woman. How can she trust a man who doesn’t trust himself? Instinctually, she knows that this type of man cannot overcome challenges and be the steady rock of security that she needs.

Perhaps the most unattractive aspect of a weak, insecure man is his inability to control his emotions. This type of man gets bent out of shape easily. This is the man who cannot take a joke. He lashes out in anger at anyone who points out one of his flaws. If you criticize him, he immediately retorts with hurtful insults and fails to take responsibility for anything. This is the man who constantly accuses the woman he is seeing of cheating. Deep down, he knows he is not good enough so he puts up a false show of confidence that often comes off as arrogant. This is tricky because women mistake this facade for true confidence but it’s really an overcompensation for whatever the man feels he is lacking. So when this false show gets exposed he responds with anger, which is actually fear in disguise.

When it comes to a disagreement in a relationship, it can get really scary for women. He argues with his woman instead of seeking to understand the situation and make the necessary changes. This insecure man can’t handle conflict so he raises his voice at his woman and may even resort to threats of violence. A secure, confident man knows not to argue with women because he understands the feminine woman. He knows that arguing with her will only frustrate her and escalate the situation. The man who gets emotional and bent out of shape turns his woman off because at that point, he is acting in more of a feminine state. He is supposed to be her rock, a calm and self-assured partner that she can count on and submit to. With the weak man, she fears that he cannot control his emotions and this scares her. There’s no telling what he may do.

Like I’ve mentioned in my previous article, girls just want to have fun. They cannot always do this with a weak, insecure man because he doesn’t know how to remain calm in the face of adversity. He makes her feel frightened and unsafe because he does not know how to keep his cool. By focusing on his mission in life and striving to always be the best version of himself, a man naturally becomes self assured and competent. He then can separate himself from the emotionally unstable beta male.

Laughter and Attraction

You’ve heard it a bazillion times before: women find a sense of humor attractive . But why is that? Here are 3 reasons why women love a guy with a great sense of humor.

    1. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Give this post a like if you sang the song in your head.

Women want to be able to relax with the men they are with. Think about it, how can a woman be intimate with someone she isn’t even comfortable around? A good sense of humor not only gets a girl laughing, it lowers her defenses. If you want her to loosen up around you, get her to show those pearly whites. A heartfelt laugh can be endearing, it is the best medicine after all. Unless she makes one of those obnoxious, wheezing laugh sounds that sound more like a pig choking. In that case, you may just want to ask the waiter for the bill and take your precious sense of humor elsewhere.

    2. It Shows Vulnerability/Intelligence/Resilience

Gentlemen, you don’t have to be a scowling badass all the time. Even James Bond was known for his witty banter and one-liners and I’m sure he got laid once or twice. Yes, I referenced a fictional character, what are you gonna do about it?

Sure, women love a guy who can show his dark side. A masculine man who is capable of beating up bad guys and saving the day is uber sexy, but a personality goes much further. Just remember, guys with a sense of humor get laid more.

A sense of humor is also quite revealing. Some of the funniest people you know have been through the shittiest shit. When life knocks them down and shits on them, they stand back up with a smile on their face and toilet paper in their hand. Okay, I’ll stop with the poop jokes.

Besides being resilient, having a strong funny bone also denotes a sign of high intelligence. In order to keep a conversation going with women, you’re going to have to think on your toes to keep things fun and interesting. A well-timed pun or hilariously self-deprecating anecdote is a great way to show that you’ve got a brain up there.

A sense of humor shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously. However, don’t become a dancing clown. Just like anything in life, balance is the key.

    3. Looks Don’t Last Forever

Everyone wants to date the best-looking person they can find. But 10-20 years from now, your hair may fall out and your precious metabolism will slow down causing your precious six-pack to devolve into an unsexy dad bod. You won’t always be drop-dead handsome (I’m pretty sure that’s a thing?).

It’s important to keep in mind that you’re going to need something to fall back on after women get bored of looking at your face. A sense of humor adds depth to your character and ensures that your woman will never get bored.

So stop rolling your eyes when you hear a woman say “I just want to be with a guy who has a good sense of humor.” Realize there’s a reason that shit is sexy so I suggest you get to work on your punchlines.

How To Date When You’ve Been In a Drought

It’s been a slow year for me.

This is the least active I have been in the dating world since I graduated from high school 9 years ago, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This year, I have been more focused on myself more intensely than ever. I’ve been writing more than I ever have (blogaboutdating.com, clintville chronicles, junkylocker), routinely working out, and I’ve gotten back to videography all while working 60-hour workweeks. And you know what? I’m hardly ever exhausted because everything I do is dedicated to feeding my passions. So while it appears that I’m working incessantly, I’m actually engaging my hobbies and thus feeding my soul.

However, a man has needs.

I’ve been in somewhat of a dry spell, but that’s not for lack of trying. With Spring in full fling (rhyme intended), it’s time to jump back into the dating game and explore my options while hormones are high. With that being said, I want to discuss a couple concepts: fear and practicing “game”.

Anyone who knows me understands that I’ve always been somewhat of a ladies’ man. I usually have no problem dating and I always seem to have my share of options. But recently, I’ve found that my results have been suffering and my confidence has been slowly dwindling. With the #metoo shenanigans going on, it’s been quite intimidating as a man looking to date. I don’t believe I am alone when I say that this whole movement has made it scary for straight men to express their desires in pursuing women.

Along with the #metoo movement threatening my masculinity, I also had to face the fact that 90 percent of the women I meet and interact with are at my workplace. So, not only did I have to worry about possibly catching a sexual harassment charge for expressing my heterosexuality, I also had to worry about maintaining a constant air of professionalism.

In the past, there have been multiple occasions when I’ve asked women out at work. In the beginning, I figured that I should go for it despite the circumstances of being on the clock. Now, I understand that it’s more important to keep things professional so I don’t run the risk of losing business for my employers by scaring off women.

Then I realized something: I was living in fear.

The #metoo movement involves men who abuse their power and perverts who don’t know how to talk to and deal with women. I’m nothing like those monsters, so I have nothing to worry about. I know that I’m a charming, compassionate human being so why should I be so fearful of catching a sexual harassment charge?

On the other hand, even though I will no longer ask women out at work (unless they are giving me clear signs to do so) I can still use these interactions as an opportunity for growth. During the days, I work in retail so I’m constantly surrounded by women. At nights, I work at a gym so I’m surrounded by women there as well. I’m grateful to work these jobs because they provide me with so many opportunities to interact with countless women!

Lately, I’ve been not only engaging in fun conversations with beautiful women but I’ve been working on flirting. I’m able to easily find the balance and read signs in order to tell when a woman is not interested. What I’ve learned is that women WANT to be desired but not pressured or made uncomfortable. Just like any other skill, flirting and being charming with women is a skill that has to be practiced. As a result, my confidence is probably now as high as its ever been. I’m looking forward to the Spring and Summer; I’m hopeful that I can turn this dry spell around and make this a year to remember.

So, gentlemen, I’ll leave you with this message: Don’t let fear run your life. You’re good enough, smart enough, and good looking enough to attract the woman you deserve. Use your everyday interactions with women to have fun conversations and don’t be afraid to practice flirting. This will not only boost your confidence, but the woman’s confidence as well since it makes her feel desirable and attractive. The more you practice, the more dating opportunities will open up for you and the more prepared you will be when you finally meet a woman who knocks your socks off.

Why Smart Women are Single

One of my favorite podcasts is undoubtedly Kinda Dating by Natasha Chandel. I truly enjoy the insight given and it helps open my eyes to other dating perspectives. In her 64th episode titled, “Why Smart Women are Single”, she discusses the dilemma of smart women who have a hard time finding compatible partners. Natasha and her guest, Jenna Birch, briefly touch on a subject that I’d like to expand on.

That subject is polarity.

To begin with, the women Chandel describes in this episode are not just smart, they are ambitious and career-driven women. These women are alphas; they know what they want and they work relentlessly to get it. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, these queens are constantly attracting chumps who cannot keep up with them. They seem to always attract weak beta males and it understandably is a huge turnoff for these powerful, ambitious women. Why can’t they just find a strong man who’s a challenge and can match their drive?

The problem is that these women, whether they admit to it or not, have a masculine essence. The masculine energy is about breaking through barriers and accomplishing goals; it is essentially success and freedom driven. As a woman matures and takes on more responsibilities in life, it is necessary for her to shift from her more natural feminine essence into a more masculine essence. She has to take on a rough, enduring mental mindstate in order to overcome obstacles on her way to achieving the goals she has for herself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, it is quite commendable. However, when it comes to dating, it can get in the way.

Masculine energy naturally attracts feminine energy. It is why men are attracted to women and vice versa. If a woman is constantly in this grind mode state of masculine energy, then what would she naturally attract?

You guessed it: feminine energy.

This type of woman will always seem to attract weaker, feminine men: beta males. A man with a strong masculine essence will naturally be turned off by such a masculine woman simply because their energies will clash. The masculine woman constantly has her guard up, willfully ready to destroy any obstacle that gets in her way. This won’t work with a masculine man, who also has the desire to overcome obstructions in his pursuit of freedom. Her tendency to not only stand her ground but fight against any opposition (usually men) sadly leads to her being labeled as “a stuck-up bitch”.

So what’s a girl to do?

With a clearer understanding of how masculine and feminine energy works, this type of woman has two choices. Either she learns how to balance this masculine energy with her feminine energy or settle for dealing with feminine men.

The key to the first option is learning how to submit. Submission is not about being a pushover slave who does whatever they’re told; it’s about learning to let someone else take the lead. When dealing with a masculine alpha male, this type of strong woman needs to learn how to lower her guard and relax into her more submissive feminine energy. When dating, she should embrace the feminine energy which is focused on the cultivation of love. She should save her domineering, rugged mindstate for the workplace. When dating, she should let her strong man take the lead while she focuses on being the joyful, loving, nurturing woman that she is capable of being. This is the essence of the feminine. If she is unable to do this, she must understand that the only other option she has is to date weaker, beta males who have no problems with her leading the relationship.

A woman’s ability to accomplish her life goals and build the life of her dreams is admirable. It should be congratulated and praised. This type of woman taps into the masculine essence in order to get to where she wants to be and has to learn balance in order to have the type of relationship she wants. If she is incapable of embracing her feminine energy, then she is doomed to either deal with masculine men who frustrate her or weak men who can’t handle her.

Three Important Lessons I’ve Learned from a Past Failed Relationship

It is said that relationships offer you the opportunity to grow. When you’re romantically involved with another person, you will discover things about yourself that you wouldn’t have had you remained single. New challenges arise as you balance your own happiness with that of your significant other and very rarely do you emerge from the relationship exactly the same as you were before. I’ve had my fair share of relationships, each with their own set of challenges and opportunities for growth. There is one that has changed me more drastically than the rest. Here are three important lessons I’ve learned from a past failed relationship.

     1. Never Mix Business With Pleasure

As a working adult, most of your time will likely be spent at your place of employment. Unless you’re working at a temp agency, there is a high chance that you will be spending lots of time with the same group of people. Over time, it is natural that feelings of attraction can arise as you get to know coworkers on a deeper level.  You’re likely to notice things about them that you didn’t pay attention to before and this can often lead to you finding them irresistibly endearing.

In my case, there was a power dynamic that added a level of intricacy. Working in retail, I had started out as a sales associate before quickly rising to the position of sales lead. With my new title, I was working more hours and building more of a personal relationship with my fellow coworkers. A particular coworker of mine suddenly took a liking to me. In the beginning, there was no spark between us. She probably didn’t even know my name since we worked separate shifts, only seeing each other in passing. Perhaps it was the rapport we started to build after my promotion, or maybe it was something less innocent. My flirtatious personality had gained me quite a bit of popularity among my female coworkers. In my mind, this is what increased my value in her eyes.

We started seeing each other outside of work, going on movie dates, shopping trips, and walks on the waterfront. Things were going smoothly outside of work, but I soon faced a dilemma. As her manager, I was constantly doing my best to maintain an air of professionalism. I couldn’t be as affectionate and romantic as I would have liked to been. I didn’t want to treat her any differently than I treated my other subordinates. After all, my job was on the line. We had a disagreement outside of work which put a hamper on our workplace relationship. I often acted out of character, clearly bothered by our topsy-turvy situationship. Needless to say, we couldn’t get back to where we had begun and it ended sloppily. She dumped me which led to me acting even more spiteful and overemotional at work. She soon quit the job which eased the pressure for both of us, but it helped me realize a vital life lesson.

     2. A Man Must Control His Emotions

Notice that I didn’t say that men shouldn’t have emotions, nor should they show them. I specifically said that a man must control them. In any healthy relationship, it is the man’s job to remain strong; he should be his woman’s rock. When things start going south, he is the one to ensure that everything will be ok. He should provide the shoulder to lean on.

When a man is overemotional, it makes his woman uncomfortable. It forces her to move out of her natural feminine energy and into a more masculine state which is unnatural to her. If the guy she is dating can’t control his emotions, she will lose attraction because subconsciously she knows that she cannot trust him. Not only does an overemotional man come off as weak, but he can come off as dangerous. If a woman isn’t sure of how her partner will handle himself, she can’t feel safe and secure around him.

After our first conflict, I didn’t know how to express my feelings. I was caught up in the illusion that I had to act indifferent and uncaring. Despite my emotional pain, I was cold and callous towards her, unwilling to communicate my feelings like a mature person would do. Admittedly, I was afraid of losing her. I had convinced myself that she would leave me sooner or later so why not now?

This led to me being rude to her, ignoring her at times and intentionally flirting with other coworkers in front of her. I wanted to show her that I could easily move on. I didn’t want to let her know how much she affected me emotionally. In the end, this douchebag behavior caused me to lose a very special woman.

3. You Should Go Into a Relationship to Give

I was selfish.

I only cared about my feelings and what I was getting out of the relationship. I was proud and was so concerned with saving face that I wasn’t seeing how much I was turning her off. The more I put on the facade of not caring, the further I was pushing her away. I was immature and negligent, never paying attention to what was happening right in front of me.

When you go into a relationship, you should approach it with a selfless mentality. A relationship provides you the opportunity to care for and cater to another person. It’s not about what you can get out of it, it’s about what you can give.

You should be giving your time, your energy, your love, and your support in an attempt to help your partner grow and develop as a person. If you’re lucky, your partner should be dedicated to doing the same for you. This is how a healthy relationship should function. I didn’t know any better at the time and it cost me.

Do I have any regrets? Nah. I wouldn’t be who I am today and I wouldn’t be able to share my experience with you if I hadn’t learned these three key lessons. Have you had any failed relationships that have helped you change for the better? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments below.

The One Thing That Women Are Attracted To

What are women attracted to?

It’s the age old question that psychologists, sociologists, and pick up artists have been pondering since the beginning of time. If you ask any guy on the street he’ll likely say money. While it often appears that money is what attracts a woman to a man, there’s actually more to it. Next time you see a guy driving the shiny red BMW with a hot girlfriend in the passenger seat, realize this: it’s not necessarily the money he possesses but his social status.

Money is a necessity, there is no getting around that. You need food, clothing, and shelter to survive so unless you’re a hut-building, fashion designing farmer then you will literally need money to survive. The more money you have, the more luxuries you can afford. A woman needs to know that the man she is dating can provide for her and be a source of strength; he needs to be bringing something to the table. So, naturally, the more money a man possesses, the more suitable and capable he is of providing for a woman and offering a higher standard of living. But this does not make him more attractive.

Have you ever seen the guy in the fancy tailored suit and the flashy watch buying overpriced bottles of champagne in the club trying to impress the women in his VIP section? I’m pretty sure one of the first words that came to your mind was “douchebag”. Sure, he may have taken one of those girls home but they were likely gold diggers. They weren’t so much attracted to him as they were attracted to the lifestyle he could provide for them. Most women see right through this act of showmanship and bravado, and they can identify it as weakness; a false sense of security. These guys are shallow and not all of these guys are getting laid. You’d be surprised at how few of them actually are.

When it comes to attraction, women are much more complex. It only takes a nice set of tits or a beautifully sculpted ass for a man to be attracted to a woman. A woman’s attraction to a man is more psychological. Sure, women generally prefer taller men with a head full of hair but they aren’t only looking for physical traits. Women need strong leaders, they’re subconsciously attracted to men who are more successful, popular, and influential than they are. This is where social status comes into play.

Women generally want the alpha male. An alpha male is a leader, a strong man who breaks through barriers and provides for those that are close to him. This cannot be determined through material possessions. Having lots of money doesn’t make you an alpha male it just makes you a male with money. Women have developed the intuition to seek out alpha males by judging a man’s behavior. It’s all about how you carry yourself, how you interact with people, and how people interact with you.

By judging a man’s behavior, a woman can quickly weed out the weak men from the strong. They can tell who has the “it” factor that women look for and they can tell who’s faking “it”. Not only do women prefer to date guys who’ve got “it”, they also like to date guys with the potential to develop “it.” This is why you see the starving artist who seems to have a new girlfriend every other week although his bank account has more red than his last painting. When you become a man of high social standing, people react to you differently. They treat you with not only respect, but they honor you. This is why I constantly preach about following your purpose and becoming the best version of you. When you work on yourself and develop self confidence, you approach the world differently and people will react accordingly. You essentially become a man of high value and therefore more attractive.

Remember, the guys in the club with the fancy cars and watches aren’t all getting laid. Women see through materialism and are generally repulsed by these shallow displays. Women are generally attracted to men who are more successful and powerful than they are, and while money comes as a result of success and power, it’s not what they are attracted to. Become a man of high social status because this is what women want.

“The Talk”: Who’s Supposed to Define The Relationship?

I was having a conversation with a girl friend of mine and we were discussing the inevitability of heartbreak. It is my opinion that everyone should get their heart broken at least once by the time they graduate from high school. There’s no way to escape that pain, it’s a non-negotiable part of the dating journey. Heartbreak and disappointment usually comes from cheating partners but nowadays disappointment comes from lack of communication and people being misled. With the rise of roaching and ghosting, people are more devious than ever and deception comes into play as people are only out to get what they want. So how can you cut down on the chances of being heartbroken or disappointed by the new person you’re dating?

The most surefire way to protect yourself from disappointment is to have define-the-relationship (DTR) talks with the person(s) you’re dating. This is the most secure way to get on the same page so that everyone’s intentions are known. The problem is that we’re not communicating effectively because we don’t want to look too vulnerable or needy. We’re afraid to express our true feelings because we run the risk of getting rejected which is a weak, fearful mind state to have. With good timing, the DTR conversation can save you from embarrassment or heartbreak before it’s too late.

So when is a good time to have the DTR conversation?

When it comes to dating, it is key to understand that there are no strict rules. You’re dealing with fickle human beings who want one thing today and the opposite tomorrow. So there is no clear time to have the DTR conversation but I am glad to offer my opinion on when it would be best. I believe that it is best to have the DTR conversation by the end of the third date.

The first date is obviously too soon to have such a serious conversation and here’s why. First, the first date should be treated as a pre-date. Unless you’ve already known each other prior to dating, you’re basically having dinner and/or drinks with a stranger. The first date is just to see if you even like this person. So, if a man brings up the DTR conversation on the first date, he will come off as desperate. This will turn a woman off because she doesn’t even know the guy and he’s already talking about a relationship. She will subconsciously know that a guy who gets so serious so early doesn’t get laid much and is probably going to turn out to be a weak, possessive control freak. If a woman brings up the DTR conversation on the first date, she will come off as stifling. A man doesn’t even know the woman yet, and if she’s already bringing up the DTR conversation his freedom is immediately threatened. Having the DTR on the first date is a definite no-no for both parties.

By the second date both people will have more familiarity with each other. Whereas the first date is a pre-date to get to know one another, the second date can be taken more seriously. This is the date where you get to know the person on a deeper level and determine whether the first date was just a flaw because you both were on your best behavior. It is my opinion that having the DTR conversation on the second date is still too soon because at this point, you two should just be having flirty fun with each other. Having the conversation this early still denotes desperation.

I believe the third date is ideal because now things are heating up. It is widely agreed that sex has the highest possibility of happening on the third date. If the gentleman plays his cards right at this point, he has established himself as a fun guy that the girl can enjoy herself with. She should be comfortable with him and her barriers should be lowered, opening the door for him to make that move. Because sex can definitely happen at this point, I believe this is why the third date is a great time to have the DTR talk. But who should be the one to initiate this conversation?

As mentioned earlier, there are no clearly defined rules when it comes to dating. Conventional wisdom states that it is the gentleman’s job to lead the woman, therefore it’s his job to have this talk. I believe that the person with the most to lose should be the one to initiate the DTR conversation. In most cases, this would be the woman. I wrote about how women have more to lose when it comes to sex in this article so let’s not waste too much time there. The person who is most emotionally invested should be the one to initiate the DTR talk because they are the one most at risk for heartbreak.

I must warn you, having the DTR conversation does not mean that you will never get hurt or deceived again. There are people out there who will tell you what you want to hear just to sleep with you. So women, if you have the talk with the guy you’re dating and you still get lied to then there’s nothing you can do. It is up to you to be an outstanding judge of character and determine whether this guy you’re dating is worthy of a relationship; this is what the first few dates are for. Remember, the DTR conversation won’t save you but it will allow you the opportunity to be clear with what you expect from him while allowing him to express his intentions.

Don’t be foolish and trick yourself into believing that you will never get your heart broken again, this is naive. However, by communicating clearly and defining the relationship after several dates you can lower the chances of heartbreak. I’d love to know what you think in the comments below.

The One Way To Not Get Too Attached

The dating game can be likened to a game of tug and war; you are constantly in a state of giving and receiving your attention and affection in hopes of pulling someone in. Give too much and you’ll fall hard for the person and likely push them away. If you don’t give enough, the other person will pull back their attention and find someone else. In both cases, you’re left standing alone holding your rope. So how do you find that perfect balance of being interested but not clingy?

Date multiple people.

If you are single, you should be dating multiple people anyway. By having your eggs in multiple baskets you maintain a mystique about you that builds attraction. It is human nature to want what we can’t have, so by not fully investing in pursuing someone wholeheartedly it makes them want you more.

It’s all about balance.

You want to let the person(s) you’re dating know that you are interested in them, but simultaneously give off the vibe that you would be just fine without them. Show too much interest and you come off as needy or clingy, and this is what you don’t want. The bad boys do this naturally because they genuinely don’t care about the people they date so they never have to worry about being clingy.

Why is clinginess so unattractive?

Clinginess reveals a needy, insecure personality that will likely lead to an unhealthy relationship. Have you ever dated someone who constantly texted and called you inquiring about your whereabouts? Have you ever dated someone who accused you of cheating if you failed to reply to their text message within 20 minutes? Everyone wants to be loved but no one should want to be controlled.

The other reason why clinginess is unattractive is because it shows a lack of independence. An ideal healthy relationship consists of two partners who lead their own fulfilling lives. It’s about two happy and healthy people coming together and sharing life experiences, not about one person controlling and possessing their partner. If you are leading a full life and dating multiple people, there is no way you can come off clingy because you simply have too much to do. You’re too busy dating other people or spending time with hobbies, mastering a craft, or furthering your career or education.

When dating multiple people, you will likely be faced with a familiar stigma: dating multiple people is trashy behavior. If you’re a woman dating multiple guys, detractors will label you as a slut. If you’re a guy dating multiple women then you will be labeled as a player. Do not succumb to societal pressure. The whole idea of dating is to meet multiple people and spend time with them until you meet the person who shares the same values and interests as you do. You’re essentially interviewing people for the position of significant other. Until you find someone that you want to enter into a relationship with, it is your job to test the market. It’s the only way to guarantee that you are making a good relationship decision.

So always keep in mind that dating is all about balance. You should be constantly balancing your attention between the people you’re dating and your own life ambitions. The best way to keep balance when dating is to date multiple people until you find the one for you. With this in mind, you can ensure that you will become a catch and you will no longer be the loser holding their rope because you chased people away.

Why I Don’t Cold Approach Women

Dating is a numbers game.

The more women you speak to, the more phone numbers you get. The more phone numbers you get, the more dates you get. The more dates you get, the more sex you get as well as relationship opportunities. While this is true, I am the type to make my numbers count. I am all about quality over quantity. So while lots of single guys are out shooting their shots left and right, approaching anything with a set of tits and legs, I prefer a more low-key method. Here is why I no longer cold approach women.

When you cold approach a woman, you drastically increase your risk of rejection. You are basically just walking up to a woman who likely has no interest in you and hoping for the best. While handling rejection is critical in building self confidence and resiliency, enough rejection will lead any guy to have doubts about their dating legitimacy. So in order to limit this rejection, it is best to approach women who are giving you attraction signals or “choosing signs”.

The other problem with cold approaching women is that it automatically puts you in a lesser position than the woman. This will put you in a situation where you are spending your time trying to prove to a woman that she should date you. In my opinion, it is a weak position to be in and I’d rather not waste my time trying to convince a woman that I am worth her time. I know my worth, and I do not need a woman’s validation to make me feel secure. Now, this is not to say that cold approaches do not work. As I previously stated, the more women you talk to the more your chances increase. However, by cold approaching, you open yourself up to more than rejection.

Women have devised a strategy of rejecting men without actually rejecting them. Nowadays, a woman will happily give her phone number out with no intention of going out with the guy. Why is that? It’s just easier for a woman to give a guy her number and ignore his calls/texts than to say no and have to deal with confrontation. I wrote more about that in this article.

This also opens the door for flaking. A woman who is not interested may not always ignore texts and calls but she may even agree to a date! Don’t be surprised if you can’t get her on the phone for a date confirmation or if she never shows up, she wasn’t interested to begin with. Now you’re sitting alone in the middle of an Italian restaurant with a glass of water staring at you while the waiting staff is making memes of you behind your back.

The other thing you have to consider is freeloaders. There are women out there who not only give their phone numbers out to guys they have no interest in, but will actually go on dates with them.

How is this a bad thing?

These women have no intention of moving forward with the guy, they are just tagging along for a free meal. Clueless guys will try their hardest to impress the woman on the date while the woman would rather kiss her dog, let alone sleep with him. The worst type of women will continue seeing these guys, stringing them along while she is dating and sleeping with other guys. Or even worse, she could already have a boyfriend but is just using the hopeless romantic for dates. This guy is constantly pulling out his wallet, and she never has to put out.

My solution to this is a simple one. Instead of cold approaching, I look for choosing signals. These are signs of attraction a woman will give to let you know that she is interested. This is what is meant by “choosing”. When a woman chooses you, dating becomes a breeze. You no longer have to impress her or prove yourself to her, she already likes you. Not only do you have to work less to initiate attraction, she is also more likely to be accepting of your flaws. Whereas a woman with very little attraction will look for any reason to break things off, this woman is willing to overlook those subtleties. She will return your calls and texts in a timely manner because she is interested and dating her will be fun and effortless because she already likes you!

While this method sounds foolproof, there is one major setback: your options are limited. With the cold approach, your options are basically limitless. You can literally approach any woman you see and hope things work out. If you’d rather approach the women who choose you, you will have significantly less options. It is not everyday that you will come across a woman who will give you attraction signs. This does, however, lead to a phenomenal opportunity.

Instead of cold approaching, you now have more time to work on yourself. All of the time spent on approaching random women could be spent on bettering yourself. You could be mastering a craft instead of going out to bars getting phone numbers. You could be working out and sculpting your physique instead of sliding into tons of women’s DM’s. By focusing on bettering yourself and increasing your standard of living, you allow yourself to attract higher status women. In time, you should notice that more and more women are giving you choosing signs because you put in the work to make yourself a more attractive man.

In closure, the cold approach is perfectly fine for those with unshakable confidence and bottomless wallets. But if you’re just a regular guy, this approach could not only be intimidating, it could also lead to hopelessness. By focusing on becoming a more attractive and higher status man, you put yourself in a position to meet women who choose you.