Month: December 2017

Why You are Always Getting Ghosted

Just when you thought everything was candy and rainbows things go completely sideways. The date(s) went well, or at least you thought so. You can’t specifically remember doing or saying something inappropriate that turned off the person. So why haven’t they responded to your text? Why is it that no matter how hard you try, you’re constantly getting ghosted? What is wrong with you that no one wants anything to do with you? Here’s why you’re always getting ghosted.

It could actually be you. Maybe you came on too strong after only a date or two. Perhaps you were unintentionally giving off clingy relationship vibes and that person wasn’t ready just yet. Maybe you were chewing your salad with your mouth open and the person you were dating was an etiquette freak. Or maybe you shouldn’t have whined and complained about how dating never seems to work out for you and unknowingly created your own negative karma. For whatever reason, you just were not what that person was looking for at the time. The flaws and quirks of your personality are most likely completely innocent, and you are by no means perfect so what gives? Don’t you at least deserve a real chance?

One thing to remember is that, at the end of the day, everyone is self serving. We are primarily concerned with OUR OWN wants and interests. So, when you take into account the plethora of dating apps and websites out there, you must also take into account the seemingly limitless amount of proverbial fish in the sea. Basically, what this leads to is people ghosting each other left and right because we always feel like we can find someone better. Our standards are unreasonably high and we all want someone who checks off ALL the boxes on our list of ideal characteristics in a partner. When we find someone who seems to be a good match, we make arrangements for the first date. As soon as our date shows one chink in their armor, we’re outta there. On to the next.

So what does this mean? Am I destined to be ghosted for the rest of my pitiful dating life?

Probably.

Probably not. The thing about this grass-is-greener mindset is that it creates unrealistic expectations. People are not just looking for a partner, they’re looking for the PERFECT partner, which doesn’t actually exist. It’s not your responsibility to try and be everything to someone. Your job is to be the best you; that’s the only thing you can do. When you’re dating, you should constantly have the mindset that you are going to be yourself and see where things go. That’s it. The best defense against ghosting is to be your best self and to date without expectations.

When you date without expectations, nothing can disappoint you. That tall, dark and handsome guy you met at Starbucks didn’t text you back after your first date? So what? Screw him, you’ve got things to do. You haven’t heard from that cute girl in yoga pants in weeks? So what? Screw her, you’ve got things to do. You should be too busy making the best life for yourself to be concerned with inconsiderate people who can’t even show the common courtesy of telling you it just won’t work out.

In closing, realize that there is nothing that you can do about being ghosted. Ghosting is cowardly; it’s much easier for someone to never reach out or reply to a call/text because it’s assumed that you will just get the point. Is this fair? Hell no, but it’s a social norm in today’s tech crazed, self serving world. The only thing to do is to be patient until you meet that person who accepts you for you, flaws and all.

The Best Pickup Line Ever

There she is.

Despite the crowded room, she’s the only one you see. Your hear rate increases as does your anxiety. If too much time passes, you will miss your opportunity and she will be out of your life forever; you’ll never know what could have been. Deep down, you know that passing up the chance to meet this woman would be a crime against your self esteem. But what do you say? What’s the best approach?

Sadly, many guys get so caught up in their own nervousness that they never even approach the woman of their desire. They’re worried about what they should say to the woman to get her to notice and hopefully like them. This is the wrong mindset to have. In the event that you are meeting/approaching a woman for the first time, you should not have this mindset that you need to woo her or show her your value. You should only be thinking, “I wonder what she’s like.” You should approach a woman from the stance of curiosity, not blind infatuation. With that in mind, take a deep breath before confidently walking up to her and asking,

“Hey, how’s it going?”

Simple, right?

Guys have to get it out of their heads that there are magic words that will make a woman fall for them. The reason pickup lines do not work is because they are, for the most part, unnatural. Sure, you’ve seen those youtube videos of pickup artists walking up to women saying the most outlandish things you could imagine. Sometimes they actually get the phone number and, naturally, some people think this is the way to go. However, it wasn’t what was said, it’s how it was said.

Pickup lines are fun to use if you have the testicular fortitude to not give a fuck. It’s all about the energy you give off. If you’re new to pickup and you don’t have much experience with using pickup lines, there’s a super high chance that you’ll come off as a creepy virgin. You’ll stutter through the lines, voice shaking, brow sweating, just to have her weirded out by your unconfident beta energy. This will lead to you going home alone that night to a bottle of your favorite lotion and your trusty right hand. Or left, if you’re southpaw.

The reason I prefer to open with something as simple as “hey how’s it going,” is because it gives me a chance to gauge the woman’s energy and attraction level. She will either match my upbeat, confident energy with an “it’s going pretty good actually, how about you,” or she will give me an uninspired “fine”. At that point, I already know most of what I need to know. Based on her response, you should be able to tell if she’s friendly and open to conversation or if she wants nothing to do with you. If you get anything other than positive vibes from her, there’s absolutely no shame in leaving the interaction with your pride intact. She just may not be interested.

So remember, don’t get so caught up in what to say to a woman when approaching. Keep it simple if you’re just starting out; do what’s right for you. As long as you are confident in your opening dialogue and maintain a fun energy about you, you’ve won half the battle already. Stop trying to impress her so much with witty lines and instead operate from the mindset that you’re generally trying to see what she’s like. You want to see if she is good for you, not the other way around.