Month: January 2018

Are You Settling? Why Everyone in Relationships Isn’t Happy

Almost everywhere you look, you can find “happy couples” living their “happy couple” lives and doing “happy couple things.” This may evoke a sense of disgust at their lovey dovey relationship or perhaps hope that you may one day find a similar fantastical romance. Recently, I’ve been paying more attention to these couples and the way they interact. I’m starting to find that things aren’t always what they seem. What I’ve found is that in a lot of cases, at least one of these partners are not truly content in their relationships. This leads me to ask, “are you settling?”

I’ve previously spoken against the idea of monogamy in another post so I won’t delve into that here. I want to start with what I’ve been seeing a lot from men lately. Working in retail, I constantly see couples shopping together. What catches my attention, though, is the man’s demeanor throughout their shopping experience. The men often seem to be dragged along almost against their will and I can see the subtle telltale signs that they are not enjoying the bonding time. Not even a little bit.

I see needy women parading their significant others throughout the store asking their partners to buy them this and that. I see guys unemotionally giving vague opinions on how their girlfriends look in a dress that they really don’t need. I see guys reluctantly swiping their credit cards to appease their materialistic girlfriends and wives. Sure, I understand that the whole experience of shopping does not primarily appeal to men. I understand that this one scenario cannot justify all relationship imbalances, but it makes me wonder, “what else are people suffering through for the sake of a relationship?”

It is my opinion that a healthy relationship brings two people together and serves each partner equally. A relationship provides people the opportunity to grow and develop together with the added perk of romance. It is my opinion that people (guy or girl) should not be sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of a relationship. Gentlemen, you shouldn’t be in a relationship just for steady sex. Ladies, you shouldn’t be in a relationship to fulfill a programmed need for attention and sense of self worth. This leads to men being disloyal sexual deviants and women being attention seeking divas.

Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs. It’s about compromise, so I understand that partners are going to have to make sacrifices in order to make the relationship work. This does not mean that you should be sacrificing who you are and what you value in order to appease a significant other. Your partner should bring the best out of you and help you grow into the person you’re capable of being. Not someone who just uses you as a sex doll or free shopping sprees. You have to ask yourself, “what am I getting out of this relationship?”

If you’re constantly unhappy and you notice that you actually dread spending time with your nagging girlfriend or your self centered, egotistical boyfriend then why are you with them? Is the sex worth it if you’ll just despise them afterwards? Are the gifts and treats an even tradeoff for you self esteem?

It is imperative to understand that your happiness is the only thing that matters in this world. You should live for you. Sure, help and give to others as much as you can just as long as you are not sacrificing your own morals or values in the process. This is important because too many people lose focus of this when they enter a relationship. Guys will workout less or completely stop because their girlfriends want to spend more time together. Ladies will see their friends less and less because their boyfriends are controlling and jealous. This is how people lose themselves in relationships.

I say all that to say this: stay true to you. Relationships can be a beautiful opportunity to grow together in love and life or it can be a painstakingly demoralizing deathtrap that drains your soul. It is up to you to recognize what you value and if your relationship is one you feel you deserve. It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be single for a while. Stop letting outside forces influence your own self beliefs and self worth. Stop settling for less than you deserve.

 

Why Men Cheat: An Insight on Infidelity

Infidelity has been plaguing the dating world since the beginning of time. It is commonly perceived that we are now living in an era where loyalty is a myth; that things are worse now than they ever have been. Good women are getting cheated on left and right and it makes a woman wonder, “why can’t I find a man loyal to me? Why are all men such dogs?” Let’s dig into this.

First, let’s discuss how each gender is sexually stimulated. Men are visual creatures; they would be willing to sleep with a woman within minutes of meeting them because they are physically attracted and aroused. A woman’s sexual desire is more closely related to emotion. Although a woman can decide whether she would consider sleeping with a man after just meeting him, she’s less likely to do so because she needs to have a deeper emotional connection. Put simply, men are visual, women are emotional. Men are physically designed to desire sex more than women. I don’t want to get too scientific, but here’s a link to an article that further discusses this concept.

With that in mind, we now have a clearer understanding of what drives sexual motivation between sexes. A man is a hunter¬†by nature . Generally speaking, a man’s primary motivator should be his mission. Whether this manifests in the form of finding food and shelter to ensure his own survival or spreading his seed to ensure the passing on of his genes, a man is always seeking progress. A woman, on the other hand, has a more intimate motivator. A woman’s desire is generally maternal; they seek to raise and nurture a family. That is not to say that ALL women only exist to raise a family or that ALL men only exist to go forth and multiply. I am just saying that these are our underlying primal instincts.

So what does this have to do with infidelity? How do I get my significant other to quit sleeping around?

As noted earlier, a man does not need the intimacy and connection of a relationship to sleep with a woman. His primal urge to conquer and break through barriers can help to explain his higher sex drive. Women do not necessarily feel this need to have sex, which is explained in this article. So the problem then becomes the institution of relationships.

I personally question the institution of monogamy. I am not sure that a one-woman-one-man relationship supports the natural order of things. I personally feel that it is not natural for a man under a certain age (we’ll say around 35-40) to be restricted to one woman because I believe it goes against our primal hunter nature. A man is likely to enter into a relationship with a woman for the simple fact that they will have the opportunity for steady sexual release. A man does not have to go out and seek sex if he already has a partner he can sleep with regularly. However, because lots of men will enter a relationship primarily for sex there is not much else keeping them committed. This opens the door for cheating.

Not all men cheat, but I agree that a lot (if not most) do. When a man cheats, he may not feel guilty because he was only seeking an instinctual sexual release with a new woman. He wouldn’t think too much about it because this interaction is purely physical. Have you ever heard a cheating man explain to crying girlfriend/wife ¬†“I only f****d that girl, I make love to you,”? A woman would feel devastated by this because she thought the intimate relationship between she and her partner was sacred.

So what can women do about it?

According to webmd, men’s testosterone levels (a key hormone in sex drive) starts to decline after the age of 30. So it can be deducted that a man will be less likely to sleep around after this age. This, along with the hassle of sleeping around and being deceitful, would actually make a man less likely to cheat. He simply won’t have the energy or the desire for it.

Look, I am not trying to condone cheating in any way. Cheating is a selfish and cowardly act and it is completely reasonable for a woman to feel wronged under such circumstances. By understanding that men are sexually driven hunters, women can hope to gain a little more understanding of why men sleep around. This can lead to less heartbreak and frustration. It is up to the man to refrain from entering a relationship just for steady sex, especially if there is any shadow of a doubt that he may want to sleep around. It is up to the woman to understand that up until a certain age, men are sex driven conquerors.

Why do you think men cheat? Is there any way to help reduce infidelity? I am curious to hear what you have to say in the comments below.