Are You Settling? Why Everyone in Relationships Isn’t Happy

Almost everywhere you look, you can find “happy couples” living their “happy couple” lives and doing “happy couple things.” This may evoke a sense of disgust at their lovey dovey relationship or perhaps hope that you may one day find a similar fantastical romance. Recently, I’ve been paying more attention to these couples and the way they interact. I’m starting to find that things aren’t always what they seem. What I’ve found is that in a lot of cases, at least one of these partners are not truly content in their relationships. This leads me to ask, “are you settling?”

I’ve previously spoken against the idea of monogamy in another post so I won’t delve into that here. I want to start with what I’ve been seeing a lot from men lately. Working in retail, I constantly see couples shopping together. What catches my attention, though, is the man’s demeanor throughout their shopping experience. The men often seem to be dragged along almost against their will and I can see the subtle telltale signs that they are not enjoying the bonding time. Not even a little bit.

I see needy women parading their significant others throughout the store asking their partners to buy them this and that. I see guys unemotionally giving vague opinions on how their girlfriends look in a dress that they really don’t need. I see guys reluctantly swiping their credit cards to appease their materialistic girlfriends and wives. Sure, I understand that the whole experience of shopping does not primarily appeal to men. I understand that this one scenario cannot justify all relationship imbalances, but it makes me wonder, “what else are people suffering through for the sake of a relationship?”

It is my opinion that a healthy relationship brings two people together and serves each partner equally. A relationship provides people the opportunity to grow and develop together with the added perk of romance. It is my opinion that people (guy or girl) should not be sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of a relationship. Gentlemen, you shouldn’t be in a relationship just for steady sex. Ladies, you shouldn’t be in a relationship to fulfill a programmed need for attention and sense of self worth. This leads to men being disloyal sexual deviants and women being attention seeking divas.

Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs. It’s about compromise, so I understand that partners are going to have to make sacrifices in order to make the relationship work. This does not mean that you should be sacrificing who you are and what you value in order to appease a significant other. Your partner should bring the best out of you and help you grow into the person you’re capable of being. Not someone who just uses you as a sex doll or free shopping sprees. You have to ask yourself, “what am I getting out of this relationship?”

If you’re constantly unhappy and you notice that you actually dread spending time with your nagging girlfriend or your self centered, egotistical boyfriend then why are you with them? Is the sex worth it if you’ll just despise them afterwards? Are the gifts and treats an even tradeoff for you self esteem?

It is imperative to understand that your happiness is the only thing that matters in this world. You should live for you. Sure, help and give to others as much as you can just as long as you are not sacrificing your own morals or values in the process. This is important because too many people lose focus of this when they enter a relationship. Guys will workout less or completely stop because their girlfriends want to spend more time together. Ladies will see their friends less and less because their boyfriends are controlling and jealous. This is how people lose themselves in relationships.

I say all that to say this: stay true to you. Relationships can be a beautiful opportunity to grow together in love and life or it can be a painstakingly demoralizing deathtrap that drains your soul. It is up to you to recognize what you value and if your relationship is one you feel you deserve. It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be single for a while. Stop letting outside forces influence your own self beliefs and self worth. Stop settling for less than you deserve.


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