Dating is a numbers game.
The more women you speak to, the more phone numbers you get. The more phone numbers you get, the more dates you get. The more dates you get, the more sex you get as well as relationship opportunities. While this is true, I am the type to make my numbers count. I am all about quality over quantity. So while lots of single guys are out shooting their shots left and right, approaching anything with a set of tits and legs, I prefer a more low-key method. Here is why I no longer cold approach women.
When you cold approach a woman, you drastically increase your risk of rejection. You are basically just walking up to a woman who likely has no interest in you and hoping for the best. While handling rejection is critical in building self confidence and resiliency, enough rejection will lead any guy to have doubts about their dating legitimacy. So in order to limit this rejection, it is best to approach women who are giving you attraction signals or “choosing signs”.
The other problem with cold approaching women is that it automatically puts you in a lesser position than the woman. This will put you in a situation where you are spending your time trying to prove to a woman that she should date you. In my opinion, it is a weak position to be in and I’d rather not waste my time trying to convince a woman that I am worth her time. I know my worth, and I do not need a woman’s validation to make me feel secure. Now, this is not to say that cold approaches do not work. As I previously stated, the more women you talk to the more your chances increase. However, by cold approaching, you open yourself up to more than rejection.
Women have devised a strategy of rejecting men without actually rejecting them. Nowadays, a woman will happily give her phone number out with no intention of going out with the guy. Why is that? It’s just easier for a woman to give a guy her number and ignore his calls/texts than to say no and have to deal with confrontation. I wrote more about that in this article.
This also opens the door for flaking. A woman who is not interested may not always ignore texts and calls but she may even agree to a date! Don’t be surprised if you can’t get her on the phone for a date confirmation or if she never shows up, she wasn’t interested to being with. Now you’re sitting alone in the middle of an Italian restaurant with a glass of water staring at you while the waiting staff is making memes of you behind your back.
The other thing you have to consider is freeloaders. There are women out there who not only give their phone numbers out to guys they have no interest in, but will actually go on dates with them.
How is this a bad thing?
These women have no intention of moving forward with the guy, they are just tagging along for a free meal. Clueless guys will try their hardest to impress the woman on the date while the woman would rather kiss her dog, let alone sleep with him. The worst type of women will continue seeing these guys, stringing them along while she is dating and sleeping with other guys. Or even worse, she could already have a boyfriend but is just using the hopeless romantic for dates. This guy is constantly pulling out his wallet, and she never has to put out.
My solution to this is a simple one. Instead of cold approaching, I look for choosing signals. These are signs of attraction a woman will give to let you know that she is interested. This is what is meant by “choosing”. When a woman chooses you, dating becomes a breeze. You no longer have to impress her or prove yourself to her, she already likes you. Not only do you have to work less to initiate attraction, she is also more likely to be accepting of your flaws. Whereas a woman with very little attraction will look for any reason to break things off, this woman is willing to overlook those subtleties. She will return your calls and texts in a timely manner because she is interested and dating her will be fun and effortless because she already likes you!
While this method sounds foolproof, there is one major setback: your options are limited. With the cold approach, your options are basically limitless. You can literally approach any woman you see and hope things work out. If you’d rather approach the women who choose you, you will have significantly less options. It is not everyday that you will come across a woman who will give you attraction signs. This does, however, lead to a phenomenal opportunity.
Instead of cold approaching, you now have more time to work on yourself. All of the time spent on approaching random women could be spent on bettering yourself. You could be mastering a craft instead of going out to bars getting phone numbers. You could be working out and sculpting your physique instead of sliding into tons of women’s DM’s. By focusing on bettering yourself and increasing your standard of living, you allow yourself to attract higher status women. In time, you should notice that more and more women are giving you choosing signs because you put in the work to make yourself a more attractive man.
In closure, the cold approach is perfectly fine for those with unshakable confidence and bottomless wallets. But if you’re just a regular guy, this approach could not only be intimidating, it could also lead to hopelessness. By focusing on becoming a more attractive and higher status man, you put yourself in a position to meet women who choose you.