Month: April 2018

Laughter and Attraction

You’ve heard it a bazillion times before: women find a sense of humor attractive . But why is that? Here are 3 reasons why women love a guy with a great sense of humor.

    1. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Give this post a like if you sang the song in your head.

Women want to be able to relax with the men they are with. Think about it, how can a woman be intimate with someone she isn’t even comfortable around? A good sense of humor not only gets a girl laughing, it lowers her defenses. If you want her to loosen up around you, get her to show those pearly whites. A heartfelt laugh can be endearing, it is the best medicine after all. Unless she makes one of those obnoxious, wheezing laugh sounds that sound more like a pig choking. In that case, you may just want to ask the waiter for the bill and take your precious sense of humor elsewhere.

    2. It Shows Vulnerability/Intelligence/Resilience

Gentlemen, you don’t have to be a scowling badass all the time. Even James Bond was known for his witty banter and one-liners and I’m sure he got laid once or twice. Yes, I referenced a fictional character, what are you gonna do about it?

Sure, women love a guy who can show his dark side. A masculine man who is capable of beating up bad guys and saving the day is uber sexy, but a personality goes much further. Just remember, guys with a sense of humor get laid more.

A sense of humor is also quite revealing. Some of the funniest people you know have been through the shittiest shit. When life knocks them down and shits on them, they stand back up with a smile on their face and toilet paper in their hand. Okay, I’ll stop with the poop jokes.

Besides being resilient, having a strong funny bone also denotes a sign of high intelligence. In order to keep a conversation going with women, you’re going to have to think on your toes to keep things fun and interesting. A well-timed pun or hilariously self-deprecating anecdote is a great way to show that you’ve got a brain up there.

A sense of humor shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously. However, don’t become a dancing clown. Just like anything in life, balance is the key.

    3. Looks Don’t Last Forever

Everyone wants to date the best-looking person they can find. But 10-20 years from now, your hair may fall out and your precious metabolism will slow down causing your precious six-pack to devolve into an unsexy dad bod. You won’t always be drop-dead handsome (I’m pretty sure that’s a thing?).

It’s important to keep in mind that you’re going to need something to fall back on after women get bored of looking at your face. A sense of humor adds depth to your character and ensures that your woman will never get bored.

So stop rolling your eyes when you hear a woman say “I just want to be with a guy who has a good sense of humor.” Realize there’s a reason that shit is sexy so I suggest you get to work on your punchlines.

How To Date When You’ve Been In a Drought

It’s been a slow year for me.

This is the least active I have been in the dating world since I graduated from high school 9 years ago, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This year, I have been more focused on myself more intensely than ever. I’ve been writing more than I ever have (blogaboutdating.com, clintville chronicles, junkylocker), routinely working out, and I’ve gotten back to videography all while working 60-hour workweeks. And you know what? I’m hardly ever exhausted because everything I do is dedicated to feeding my passions. So while it appears that I’m working incessantly, I’m actually engaging my hobbies and thus feeding my soul.

However, a man has needs.

I’ve been in somewhat of a dry spell, but that’s not for lack of trying. With Spring in full fling (rhyme intended), it’s time to jump back into the dating game and explore my options while hormones are high. With that being said, I want to discuss a couple concepts: fear and practicing “game”.

Anyone who knows me understands that I’ve always been somewhat of a ladies’ man. I usually have no problem dating and I always seem to have my share of options. But recently, I’ve found that my results have been suffering and my confidence has been slowly dwindling. With the #metoo shenanigans going on, it’s been quite intimidating as a man looking to date. I don’t believe I am alone when I say that this whole movement has made it scary for straight men to express their desires in pursuing women.

Along with the #metoo movement threatening my masculinity, I also had to face the fact that 90 percent of the women I meet and interact with are at my workplace. So, not only did I have to worry about possibly catching a sexual harassment charge for expressing my heterosexuality, I also had to worry about maintaining a constant air of professionalism.

In the past, there have been multiple occasions when I’ve asked women out at work. In the beginning, I figured that I should go for it despite the circumstances of being on the clock. Now, I understand that it’s more important to keep things professional so I don’t run the risk of losing business for my employers by scaring off women.

Then I realized something: I was living in fear.

The #metoo movement involves men who abuse their power and perverts who don’t know how to talk to and deal with women. I’m nothing like those monsters, so I have nothing to worry about. I know that I’m a charming, compassionate human being so why should I be so fearful of catching a sexual harassment charge?

On the other hand, even though I will no longer ask women out at work (unless they are giving me clear signs to do so) I can still use these interactions as an opportunity for growth. During the days, I work in retail so I’m constantly surrounded by women. At nights, I work at a gym so I’m surrounded by women there as well. I’m grateful to work these jobs because they provide me with so many opportunities to interact with countless women!

Lately, I’ve been not only engaging in fun conversations with beautiful women but I’ve been working on flirting. I’m able to easily find the balance and read signs in order to tell when a woman is not interested. What I’ve learned is that women WANT to be desired but not pressured or made uncomfortable. Just like any other skill, flirting and being charming with women is a skill that has to be practiced. As a result, my confidence is probably now as high as its ever been. I’m looking forward to the Spring and Summer; I’m hopeful that I can turn this dry spell around and make this a year to remember.

So, gentlemen, I’ll leave you with this message: Don’t let fear run your life. You’re good enough, smart enough, and good looking enough to attract the woman you deserve. Use your everyday interactions with women to have fun conversations and don’t be afraid to practice flirting. This will not only boost your confidence, but the woman’s confidence as well since it makes her feel desirable and attractive. The more you practice, the more dating opportunities will open up for you and the more prepared you will be when you finally meet a woman who knocks your socks off.

Why Smart Women are Single

One of my favorite podcasts is undoubtedly Kinda Dating by Natasha Chandel. I truly enjoy the insight given and it helps open my eyes to other dating perspectives. In her 64th episode titled, “Why Smart Women are Single”, she discusses the dilemma of smart women who have a hard time finding compatible partners. Natasha and her guest, Jenna Birch, briefly touch on a subject that I’d like to expand on.

That subject is polarity.

To begin with, the women Chandel describes in this episode are not just smart, they are ambitious and career-driven women. These women are alphas; they know what they want and they work relentlessly to get it. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, these queens are constantly attracting chumps who cannot keep up with them. They seem to always attract weak beta males and it understandably is a huge turnoff for these powerful, ambitious women. Why can’t they just find a strong man who’s a challenge and can match their drive?

The problem is that these women, whether they admit to it or not, have a masculine essence. The masculine energy is about breaking through barriers and accomplishing goals; it is essentially success and freedom driven. As a woman matures and takes on more responsibilities in life, it is necessary for her to shift from her more natural feminine essence into a more masculine essence. She has to take on a rough, enduring mental mindstate in order to overcome obstacles on her way to achieving the goals she has for herself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, it is quite commendable. However, when it comes to dating, it can get in the way.

Masculine energy naturally attracts feminine energy. It is why men are attracted to women and vice versa. If a woman is constantly in this grind mode state of masculine energy, then what would she naturally attract?

You guessed it: feminine energy.

This type of woman will always seem to attract weaker, feminine men: beta males. A man with a strong masculine essence will naturally be turned off by such a masculine woman simply because their energies will clash. The masculine woman constantly has her guard up, willfully ready to destroy any obstacle that gets in her way. This won’t work with a masculine man, who also has the desire to overcome obstructions in his pursuit of freedom. Her tendency to not only stand her ground but fight against any opposition (usually men) sadly leads to her being labeled as “a stuck-up bitch”.

So what’s a girl to do?

With a clearer understanding of how masculine and feminine energy works, this type of woman has two choices. Either she learns how to balance this masculine energy with her feminine energy or settle for dealing with feminine men.

The key to the first option is learning how to submit. Submission is not about being a pushover slave who does whatever they’re told; it’s about learning to let someone else take the lead. When dealing with a masculine alpha male, this type of strong woman needs to learn how to lower her guard and relax into her more submissive feminine energy. When dating, she should embrace the feminine energy which is focused on the cultivation of love. She should save her domineering, rugged mindstate for the workplace. When dating, she should let her strong man take the lead while she focuses on being the joyful, loving, nurturing woman that she is capable of being. This is the essence of the feminine. If she is unable to do this, she must understand that the only other option she has is to date weaker, beta males who have no problems with her leading the relationship.

A woman’s ability to accomplish her life goals and build the life of her dreams is admirable. It should be congratulated and praised. This type of woman taps into the masculine essence in order to get to where she wants to be and has to learn balance in order to have the type of relationship she wants. If she is incapable of embracing her feminine energy, then she is doomed to either deal with masculine men who frustrate her or weak men who can’t handle her.