The Confidence Paradox

Two months in and I’m finally writing my first post of the year!

Thanks for your patience, I truly appreciate you for taking the time out of your day to read this garbage.

One of my most recent posts talks about confidence, you can read it here. As I’ve previously mentioned, I’ve taken a break from dating not too long ago but I’m back in the game now. Recently, two women I’ve been seeing have unfortunately fallen off the face of the earth. My younger, immature self would have been upset by this sudden disappearing act but I fully understand that ghosting is a part of the game; I’m fine with it, I do it too. In my defense, I believe that these disappearances had nothing to do with anything on my end but can most likely be attributed to insecurities on theirs. Today, I want to discuss the confidence paradox and how being confident can actually work against us guys.

So you’ve put so much effort into becoming confident. You’re working on your craft, you’re taking your job more seriously, you’re in the gym trying to turn that keg gut into a 6 pack. Good for you, your confidence is rising and your powers are growing! But wait, did you ever imagine that your newfound confidence can actually turn women off?

The backwards thing about this confidence thing is that women want a confident man. However, women are often unconfident themselves; the main reason being that they are much more concerned with their body image than men are. Studies to prove this can be found here. So what does this all mean?

If your self confidence is higher than the women you are dating this could be good for you. Generally speaking, women date up. They want a strong leader who can offer security and safety. They want a man they can relax with and be their playful, feminine selves. However, if you’re with an insecure woman, this same confidence that can attract women is the same confidence that scares some women away.

People fear what they don’t understand. Your confidence to some women can come off as intimidating and they are uncomfortable with getting serious with you because they fear getting hurt. A confident man is normally a man with a lot of dating options, and most women don’t want to compete for a man. Instead of accept you as the prize that you are, these women will run the other way; they don’t want to be another notch on your bedpost, another tally for your body count. Women  with a healthy self esteem are attracted to men who are good with women, but an insecure woman will be scared off by this. Deep down, she fears that she’s not good enough for you. This type of woman will ask you things like “are you a player,” or “how many other women are you dating?” You will even hear things like “you must say that to all the girls.”

When you get questions like these, always respond in a lighthearted and playful manner. These are tests to see if you are actually as successful with women as you appear to be.

So what do you do?

Accept the fact that as your confidence grows, so will the quality of women you attract. This newfound confidence in yourself can help you weed out and buffer less confident women. You shouldn’t want to be with a woman who is overly insecure because then a lot of your energy will be spent trying to uplift and motivate her. Not that this is a bad thing, but your job in the dating field is not to fix people. You should be looking for a woman who can complement your lifestyle. You should be looking for your match. Spending too much time with a woman who’s overly insecure can be draining after a while and you don’t need this extra stress in your life because a good woman should bring you peace.

So, yes, confidence is still the number one thing that women find attractive in a man. Just be aware of the confidence paradox. Happy dating!

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