blog about dating

Why Bad Boys are Attractive

We’ve all seen the movie where the nice guy loses the girl to the bad boy. The former gentleman pushes her away with his sweet and catering words of love and adoration while the latter guy comes in, uncaring and aloof, to sweep her off her feet and ride off on his motorcycle into the sunset.

But why is this?

Why does it seem that women constantly reject the decent guy with good intentions and chase after the mysterious bad boy?

To begin with, the nice guy is not a challenge. He makes his intentions known and pours out his emotions in fantastic romantic displays. He gazes into her eyes and gets lost in her beauty with a smile on his face that says “I can’t believe I’m here with you right now.” He gives her flowers and chocolates after only a date or two and tells her how special she is. After only a few dates (if he even gets that far) he’s already telling her that he loves her and that they should be together forever.

This turns a woman off in most cases because there is no mystery here. No one appreciates the things in life that take no effort to acquire. There is no value in something that is so easy to attain. So when nice guys pour their hearts out to women, this immediately diminishes the man’s value and takes away the challenge for a woman. While the nice guy is putting her on the pedestal and pushing her away by worshipping her, the bad boy keeps his feelings to himself and the woman constantly chases his validation.

The bad boy also has an edge, something the nice guy clearly lacks. A woman who fully embraces her feminine energy is in need of a masculine man who embraces and displays the energy of a dark warrior. The bad boy has the capacity to wreak havoc and destroy anything or anyone who threatens him or the ones closest to him. The nice guy is too fearful or weak to stand courageously in the face of a threat. Deep down, a woman knows that only one of these men can not only provide, but can protect her if a situation calls for it. This display of strength plays a huge role in a woman’s attraction to a man.

The dark energy I described earlier also plays a key role in the bedroom.

Nice guys are the types of guys to pepper their women with kisses, and want to make sweet love to their women. He’s sweet and gentle in the bedroom. Of course this sounds good in old school R&B music and romantic movies, but let’s remain in reality. Most women want to be dominated by their man. Have you ever thought about why women want men who are taller than they are? Women want to feel the power of their man, they want to submit and be ravished by the strong man they choose to be with. The bad boy isn’t making love to his girl, he fucks her to sleep. Sex is a key component in any relationship and deep down, so which type of guy do you think the average woman would want to sleep with?

This post isn’t telling you guys to go buy a leather jacket and start a bar fight. This post is to help guys realize that you have to embrace your dark side with women. It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about owning your masculine power and not putting women on pedestals. This is why bad boys are attractive.

Why Dating as an Adult Sucks

So you’ve graduated from college/trade school/etc. and you’ve entered into the world of adulthood. You’re fresh from the educational institution and you’re ready to face the world with your empowering sense of accomplishment and wonder. Things are looking up. You’ve (hopefully) had plenty of dating experiences while you were in your late teens and early 20s and you’ve got a good sense of what you like and don’t like. However, you’ll very soon realize just how difficult dating is as an adult.

Here’s the main reason why dating is difficult for adults: they’re removed from large social environments.

School provides an education, of course, but it offers something just as important. Schools offer an incomparable social environment. Everyday you’re seeing hundreds of peers as you trek through hallways on your way to class. For 45-90 minutes at a time you’re in a room with 10-30 people  who usually share things in common with you. You’re open to meet and network with a numerous amount of people who are usually just like you. But that all changes as soon as you cross that stage.

Suddenly, you’re tossed into the jungle of corporate work environments. At first you had the opportunity to meet countless peers at your school, but now you’re limited to the handful of people you work with on a day to day basis. Your options are immediately limited. The only place it seems that you can meet potential love interests is the one place you dread going:

Bars and clubs.

You’re done with the partying and hooking up. You’ve done enough of that while you were playing beer pong and slurping tequila off the stomachs of horny strangers. If you’re a woman you realize the clubs are full of posers just looking for one night stands. If you’re a guy you realize that the clubs are full of attention seeking girls just out to have fun with their friends. You realize that the clubs are just the feeding grounds of shallow hyenas just looking to prove their social worth. You don’t wanna play this game so you choose the next best option:

Join a dating app.

So, you’ve given up on finding a significant other in bars. You’re probably not a drinker anyway and you definitely don’t like the charade of trying to prove your social worth in those environments. Next, you download tinder and start swiping away. You get a match here and there but the conversations are often uninteresting or randomly dropped altogether. Like, wtf just happened? Every once in a while you may meet up just to find out that the person you thought you matched with is completely different than the real thing. Surprise, you’ve been catfished!

Now you’re frustrated and completely hopeless. Everywhere you look you see happy couples who will probably be together forever. You start thinking that maybe something is wrong with you. You ask yourself things like “where’s my mr./mrs. right”, “will I ever be loved?”

So what are you to do?

Gonna be honest with you, there is no magic solution. What I’ve realized is that if you’ve reached this desperate point in your dating life the best thing to do is be patient and focus on self improvement. I won’t spend too much time talking about how to follow your passions and become a better version of yourself because I did that here. Another thing that could possibly give you hope is understanding that there are countless people out there just as hopeless and full of love as you are. It’s your job to meet them.

Sometimes, the thing that you want the most is just outside of your comfort zone. Do things that make you nervous. Approach and make conversation with that cute girl in line at the coffee shop. Ask that guy for help with your form in the gym. Focus on living your day to day life but take the chance to meet people who catch your attention. The process of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable will help you develop self esteem and strength. You’ll eventually be shocked at the person you can potentially become.

Being single as an adult is a soul-defining opportunity for you to get to know yourself. Your job is to focus on your growth and put yourself out there and meet people. The more you do it, the better you’ll get and it will only be a matter of time before you meet that person you can share your life with. Until then, realize that dating does suck as an adult. But it doesn’t just suck for you, we’re all going through it.

The Confidence Paradox

Two months in and I’m finally writing my first post of the year!

Thanks for your patience, I truly appreciate you for taking the time out of your day to read this garbage.

One of my most recent posts talks about confidence, you can read it here. As I’ve previously mentioned, I’ve taken a break from dating not too long ago but I’m back in the game now. Recently, two women I’ve been seeing have unfortunately fallen off the face of the earth. My younger, immature self would have been upset by this sudden disappearing act but I fully understand that ghosting is a part of the game; I’m fine with it, I do it too. In my defense, I believe that these disappearances had nothing to do with anything on my end but can most likely be attributed to insecurities on theirs. Today, I want to discuss the confidence paradox and how being confident can actually work against us guys.

So you’ve put so much effort into becoming confident. You’re working on your craft, you’re taking your job more seriously, you’re in the gym trying to turn that keg gut into a 6 pack. Good for you, your confidence is rising and your powers are growing! But wait, did you ever imagine that your newfound confidence can actually turn women off?

The backwards thing about this confidence thing is that women want a confident man. However, women are often unconfident themselves; the main reason being that they are much more concerned with their body image than men are. Studies to prove this can be found here. So what does this all mean?

If your self confidence is higher than the women you are dating this could be good for you. Generally speaking, women date up. They want a strong leader who can offer security and safety. They want a man they can relax with and be their playful, feminine selves. However, if you’re with an insecure woman, this same confidence that can attract women is the same confidence that scares some women away.

People fear what they don’t understand. Your confidence to some women can come off as intimidating and they are uncomfortable with getting serious with you because they fear getting hurt. A confident man is normally a man with a lot of dating options, and most women don’t want to compete for a man. Instead of accept you as the prize that you are, these women will run the other way; they don’t want to be another notch on your bedpost, another tally for your body count. Women  with a healthy self esteem are attracted to men who are good with women, but an insecure woman will be scared off by this. Deep down, she fears that she’s not good enough for you. This type of woman will ask you things like “are you a player,” or “how many other women are you dating?” You will even hear things like “you must say that to all the girls.”

When you get questions like these, always respond in a lighthearted and playful manner. These are tests to see if you are actually as successful with women as you appear to be.

So what do you do?

Accept the fact that as your confidence grows, so will the quality of women you attract. This newfound confidence in yourself can help you weed out and buffer less confident women. You shouldn’t want to be with a woman who is overly insecure because then a lot of your energy will be spent trying to uplift and motivate her. Not that this is a bad thing, but your job in the dating field is not to fix people. You should be looking for a woman who can complement your lifestyle. You should be looking for your match. Spending too much time with a woman who’s overly insecure can be draining after a while and you don’t need this extra stress in your life because a good woman should bring you peace.

So, yes, confidence is still the number one thing that women find attractive in a man. Just be aware of the confidence paradox. Happy dating!

Let The Woman Choose You

The average guy has a hard enough time meeting and dating a new woman. In today’s dating world where ghosting is more common than a cold, he’s lucky if he can get to her front door. If things go well, he’ll get a second date. If he keeps things interesting and fun, he’ll start seeing her consistently. Then he gets to the point where he knows he likes this girl so he asks something along the lines of “would you like to be my girlfriend?” When she responds in an undesired manner, he’s left with his dick in his hands wondering where he went wrong.

The problem with this is that the relationship proposal is out of context. Poisoned by romantic comedies and tv shows, we guys have fallen into the trap of believing that we must wine and dine a woman for a few dates then lock her down into a relationship. Sure, this actually does work some of the time, but nowadays it’s key to remember that the power has somewhat shifted. In today’s feminist society, women often don’t even want to be locked down in a relationship. At least not so soon anyway. They want to explore their options and have fun before relinquishing their freedom as a dating free agent. Asking a girl for a relationship too soon makes her feel trapped.

I’ve said it a few times before, girls just want to have fun! They enjoy the thrill of a new romance just as much as we do. Part of the fun of a new fling is the mystery. A woman is intrigued by the mysterious guy she just can’t seem to get enough of. She likes where things are going, and she likes getting to know him more and more over time. So when we bring up the relationship conversation, it sucks the fun and suspense out of it. Remember, people want what they can’t have. A man who’s a catch and is difficult to lock down is irresistible to a woman.

This is why it’s important for guys to prioritize their mission in life. When a man is focused on his goals and progression, a woman senses it. She can tell that this is a man of value and it makes him incredibly attractive to her. She can tell that this man is on a journey and she wants to tag along for the ride. A man like this isn’t concerned with relationship titles because he’s too busy focusing on his own life purpose. The irony here is that this man who isn’t concerned with women is the man who has plenty of dating options.

Let the woman be the one to bring up the relationship. Your job as the man is to show her how much of a catch you are by showing her a good time and letting your personality shine. She will be the one to let you know when she is ready to make it official. If a relationship is what she wants, she will be the one asking “so, what are we doing? Where is this going?” When she asks questions like that, then you know you’ve done all of the right things. Until then, you just sit back, relax and show her a good time.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a man wanting a relationship. It just shouldn’t be his first priority. If you are doing all the right things, the woman you are dating will ask YOU for a relationship. She will be able to tell that you are a rare breed of man and will want you to herself after recognizing your high value. Focus on being a better you, and let her do the choosing.

The Insecure Man

What is the biggest turnoff for women?

From bad breath to arrogance, the list of turnoffs can be limitless. Lately, I’ve been having some interesting conversations with women and I noticed that a lot of the things that turn them off can be narrowed down to a couple traits.

Weakness and insecurity.

Why are these traits so unattractive? What is it about a weak, insecure man that makes a woman’s stomach turn?

To begin with, this is not going to be a post about why self-confidence is so important, because you’ve heard it all before. Instead, I’m going to dive into exactly why the opposite trait is so repulsive.

Women with a strong feminine essence unknowingly desire a man who is a strong leader. They seek a man who can take direction and make the woman feel like everything will be just fine. A strong, confident leader has the mindset that they can achieve anything they put their mind to and that any obstacle that arises can be overcome through endurance and perseverance. When a feminine woman is with a strong, confident man, she can relax and let him lead the way knowing that everything will be okay. He can handle whatever comes their way.

On the other hand, an insecure man will shrink in the face of adversity. He does not have the resilience to bounce back from a setback nor does he have the self-assurance to believe in himself. A strong-minded woman with a feminine essence can never really feel secure with a weak, insecure man. If a problem arises, he will likely become anxious and fearful and this will easily be felt by the woman. How can she trust a man who doesn’t trust himself? Instinctually, she knows that this type of man cannot overcome challenges and be the steady rock of security that she needs.

Perhaps the most unattractive aspect of a weak, insecure man is his inability to control his emotions. This type of man gets bent out of shape easily. This is the man who cannot take a joke. He lashes out in anger at anyone who points out one of his flaws. If you criticize him, he immediately retorts with hurtful insults and fails to take responsibility for anything. This is the man who constantly accuses the woman he is seeing of cheating. Deep down, he knows he is not good enough so he puts up a false show of confidence that often comes off as arrogant. This is tricky because women mistake this facade for true confidence but it’s really an overcompensation for whatever the man feels he is lacking. So when this false show gets exposed he responds with anger, which is actually fear in disguise.

When it comes to a disagreement in a relationship, it can get really scary for women. He argues with his woman instead of seeking to understand the situation and make the necessary changes. This insecure man can’t handle conflict so he raises his voice at his woman and may even resort to threats of violence. A secure, confident man knows not to argue with women because he understands the feminine woman. He knows that arguing with her will only frustrate her and escalate the situation. The man who gets emotional and bent out of shape turns his woman off because at that point, he is acting in more of a feminine state. He is supposed to be her rock, a calm and self-assured partner that she can count on and submit to. With the weak man, she fears that he cannot control his emotions and this scares her. There’s no telling what he may do.

Like I’ve mentioned in my previous article, girls just want to have fun. They cannot always do this with a weak, insecure man because he doesn’t know how to remain calm in the face of adversity. He makes her feel frightened and unsafe because he does not know how to keep his cool. By focusing on his mission in life and striving to always be the best version of himself, a man naturally becomes self assured and competent. He then can separate himself from the emotionally unstable beta male.

Why Smart Women are Single

One of my favorite podcasts is undoubtedly Kinda Dating by Natasha Chandel. I truly enjoy the insight given and it helps open my eyes to other dating perspectives. In her 64th episode titled, “Why Smart Women are Single”, she discusses the dilemma of smart women who have a hard time finding compatible partners. Natasha and her guest, Jenna Birch, briefly touch on a subject that I’d like to expand on.

That subject is polarity.

To begin with, the women Chandel describes in this episode are not just smart, they are ambitious and career-driven women. These women are alphas; they know what they want and they work relentlessly to get it. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, these queens are constantly attracting chumps who cannot keep up with them. They seem to always attract weak beta males and it understandably is a huge turnoff for these powerful, ambitious women. Why can’t they just find a strong man who’s a challenge and can match their drive?

The problem is that these women, whether they admit to it or not, have a masculine essence. The masculine energy is about breaking through barriers and accomplishing goals; it is essentially success and freedom driven. As a woman matures and takes on more responsibilities in life, it is necessary for her to shift from her more natural feminine essence into a more masculine essence. She has to take on a rough, enduring mental mindstate in order to overcome obstacles on her way to achieving the goals she has for herself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, it is quite commendable. However, when it comes to dating, it can get in the way.

Masculine energy naturally attracts feminine energy. It is why men are attracted to women and vice versa. If a woman is constantly in this grind mode state of masculine energy, then what would she naturally attract?

You guessed it: feminine energy.

This type of woman will always seem to attract weaker, feminine men: beta males. A man with a strong masculine essence will naturally be turned off by such a masculine woman simply because their energies will clash. The masculine woman constantly has her guard up, willfully ready to destroy any obstacle that gets in her way. This won’t work with a masculine man, who also has the desire to overcome obstructions in his pursuit of freedom. Her tendency to not only stand her ground but fight against any opposition (usually men) sadly leads to her being labeled as “a stuck-up bitch”.

So what’s a girl to do?

With a clearer understanding of how masculine and feminine energy works, this type of woman has two choices. Either she learns how to balance this masculine energy with her feminine energy or settle for dealing with feminine men.

The key to the first option is learning how to submit. Submission is not about being a pushover slave who does whatever they’re told; it’s about learning to let someone else take the lead. When dealing with a masculine alpha male, this type of strong woman needs to learn how to lower her guard and relax into her more submissive feminine energy. When dating, she should embrace the feminine energy which is focused on the cultivation of love. She should save her domineering, rugged mindstate for the workplace. When dating, she should let her strong man take the lead while she focuses on being the joyful, loving, nurturing woman that she is capable of being. This is the essence of the feminine. If she is unable to do this, she must understand that the only other option she has is to date weaker, beta males who have no problems with her leading the relationship.

A woman’s ability to accomplish her life goals and build the life of her dreams is admirable. It should be congratulated and praised. This type of woman taps into the masculine essence in order to get to where she wants to be and has to learn balance in order to have the type of relationship she wants. If she is incapable of embracing her feminine energy, then she is doomed to either deal with masculine men who frustrate her or weak men who can’t handle her.