Love

Why Men Cheat: An Insight on Infidelity

Infidelity has been plaguing the dating world since the beginning of time. It is commonly perceived that we are now living in an era where loyalty is a myth; that things are worse now than they ever have been. Good women are getting cheated on left and right and it makes a woman wonder, “why can’t I find a man loyal to me? Why are all men such dogs?” Let’s dig into this.

First, let’s discuss how each gender is sexually stimulated. Men are visual creatures; they would be willing to sleep with a woman within minutes of meeting them because they are physically attracted and aroused. A woman’s sexual desire is more closely related to emotion. Although a woman can decide whether she would consider sleeping with a man after just meeting him, she’s less likely to do so because she needs to have a deeper emotional connection. Put simply, men are visual, women are emotional. Men are physically designed to desire sex more than women. I don’t want to get too scientific, but here’s a link to an article that further discusses this concept.

With that in mind, we now have a clearer understanding of what drives sexual motivation between sexes. A man is a hunter by nature . Generally speaking, a man’s primary motivator should be his mission. Whether this manifests in the form of finding food and shelter to ensure his own survival or spreading his seed to ensure the passing on of his genes, a man is always seeking progress. A woman, on the other hand, has a more intimate motivator. A woman’s desire is generally maternal; they seek to raise and nurture a family. That is not to say that ALL women only exist to raise a family or that ALL men only exist to go forth and multiply. I am just saying that these are our underlying primal instincts.

So what does this have to do with infidelity? How do I get my significant other to quit sleeping around?

As noted earlier, a man does not need the intimacy and connection of a relationship to sleep with a woman. His primal urge to conquer and break through barriers can help to explain his higher sex drive. Women do not necessarily feel this need to have sex, which is explained in this article. So the problem then becomes the institution of relationships.

I personally question the institution of monogamy. I am not sure that a one-woman-one-man relationship supports the natural order of things. I personally feel that it is not natural for a man under a certain age (we’ll say around 35-40) to be restricted to one woman because I believe it goes against our primal hunter nature. A man is likely to enter into a relationship with a woman for the simple fact that they will have the opportunity for steady sexual release. A man does not have to go out and seek sex if he already has a partner he can sleep with regularly. However, because lots of men will enter a relationship primarily for sex there is not much else keeping them committed. This opens the door for cheating.

Not all men cheat, but I agree that a lot (if not most) do. When a man cheats, he may not feel guilty because he was only seeking an instinctual sexual release with a new woman. He wouldn’t think too much about it because this interaction is purely physical. Have you ever heard a cheating man explain to crying girlfriend/wife  “I only f****d that girl, I make love to you,”? A woman would feel devastated by this because she thought the intimate relationship between she and her partner was sacred.

So what can women do about it?

According to webmd, men’s testosterone levels (a key hormone in sex drive) starts to decline after the age of 30. So it can be deducted that a man will be less likely to sleep around after this age. This, along with the hassle of sleeping around and being deceitful, would actually make a man less likely to cheat. He simply won’t have the energy or the desire for it.

Look, I am not trying to condone cheating in any way. Cheating is a selfish and cowardly act and it is completely reasonable for a woman to feel wronged under such circumstances. By understanding that men are sexually driven hunters, women can hope to gain a little more understanding of why men sleep around. This can lead to less heartbreak and frustration. It is up to the man to refrain from entering a relationship just for steady sex, especially if there is any shadow of a doubt that he may want to sleep around. It is up to the woman to understand that up until a certain age, men are sex driven conquerors.

Why do you think men cheat? Is there any way to help reduce infidelity? I am curious to hear what you have to say in the comments below.

Why You are Always Getting Ghosted

Just when you thought everything was candy and rainbows things go completely sideways. The date(s) went well, or at least you thought so. You can’t specifically remember doing or saying something inappropriate that turned off the person. So why haven’t they responded to your text? Why is it that no matter how hard you try, you’re constantly getting ghosted? What is wrong with you that no one wants anything to do with you? Here’s why you’re always getting ghosted.

It could actually be you. Maybe you came on too strong after only a date or two. Perhaps you were unintentionally giving off clingy relationship vibes and that person wasn’t ready just yet. Maybe you were chewing your salad with your mouth open and the person you were dating was an etiquette freak. Or maybe you shouldn’t have whined and complained about how dating never seems to work out for you and unknowingly created your own negative karma. For whatever reason, you just were not what that person was looking for at the time. The flaws and quirks of your personality are most likely completely innocent, and you are by no means perfect so what gives? Don’t you at least deserve a real chance?

One thing to remember is that, at the end of the day, everyone is self serving. We are primarily concerned with OUR OWN wants and interests. So, when you take into account the plethora of dating apps and websites out there, you must also take into account the seemingly limitless amount of proverbial fish in the sea. Basically, what this leads to is people ghosting each other left and right because we always feel like we can find someone better. Our standards are unreasonably high and we all want someone who checks off ALL the boxes on our list of ideal characteristics in a partner. When we find someone who seems to be a good match, we make arrangements for the first date. As soon as our date shows one chink in their armor, we’re outta there. On to the next.

So what does this mean? Am I destined to be ghosted for the rest of my pitiful dating life?

Probably.

Probably not. The thing about this grass-is-greener mindset is that it creates unrealistic expectations. People are not just looking for a partner, they’re looking for the PERFECT partner, which doesn’t actually exist. It’s not your responsibility to try and be everything to someone. Your job is to be the best you; that’s the only thing you can do. When you’re dating, you should constantly have the mindset that you are going to be yourself and see where things go. That’s it. The best defense against ghosting is to be your best self and to date without expectations.

When you date without expectations, nothing can disappoint you. That tall, dark and handsome guy you met at Starbucks didn’t text you back after your first date? So what? Screw him, you’ve got things to do. You haven’t heard from that cute girl in yoga pants in weeks? So what? Screw her, you’ve got things to do. You should be too busy making the best life for yourself to be concerned with inconsiderate people who can’t even show the common courtesy of telling you it just won’t work out.

In closing, realize that there is nothing that you can do about being ghosted. Ghosting is cowardly; it’s much easier for someone to never reach out or reply to a call/text because it’s assumed that you will just get the point. Is this fair? Hell no, but it’s a social norm in today’s tech crazed, self serving world. The only thing to do is to be patient until you meet that person who accepts you for you, flaws and all.

The Best Pickup Line Ever

There she is.

Despite the crowded room, she’s the only one you see. Your hear rate increases as does your anxiety. If too much time passes, you will miss your opportunity and she will be out of your life forever; you’ll never know what could have been. Deep down, you know that passing up the chance to meet this woman would be a crime against your self esteem. But what do you say? What’s the best approach?

Sadly, many guys get so caught up in their own nervousness that they never even approach the woman of their desire. They’re worried about what they should say to the woman to get her to notice and hopefully like them. This is the wrong mindset to have. In the event that you are meeting/approaching a woman for the first time, you should not have this mindset that you need to woo her or show her your value. You should only be thinking, “I wonder what she’s like.” You should approach a woman from the stance of curiosity, not blind infatuation. With that in mind, take a deep breath before confidently walking up to her and asking,

“Hey, how’s it going?”

Simple, right?

Guys have to get it out of their heads that there are magic words that will make a woman fall for them. The reason pickup lines do not work is because they are, for the most part, unnatural. Sure, you’ve seen those youtube videos of pickup artists walking up to women saying the most outlandish things you could imagine. Sometimes they actually get the phone number and, naturally, some people think this is the way to go. However, it wasn’t what was said, it’s how it was said.

Pickup lines are fun to use if you have the testicular fortitude to not give a fuck. It’s all about the energy you give off. If you’re new to pickup and you don’t have much experience with using pickup lines, there’s a super high chance that you’ll come off as a creepy virgin. You’ll stutter through the lines, voice shaking, brow sweating, just to have her weirded out by your unconfident beta energy. This will lead to you going home alone that night to a bottle of your favorite lotion and your trusty right hand. Or left, if you’re southpaw.

The reason I prefer to open with something as simple as “hey how’s it going,” is because it gives me a chance to gauge the woman’s energy and attraction level. She will either match my upbeat, confident energy with an “it’s going pretty good actually, how about you,” or she will give me an uninspired “fine”. At that point, I already know most of what I need to know. Based on her response, you should be able to tell if she’s friendly and open to conversation or if she wants nothing to do with you. If you get anything other than positive vibes from her, there’s absolutely no shame in leaving the interaction with your pride intact. She just may not be interested.

So remember, don’t get so caught up in what to say to a woman when approaching. Keep it simple if you’re just starting out; do what’s right for you. As long as you are confident in your opening dialogue and maintain a fun energy about you, you’ve won half the battle already. Stop trying to impress her so much with witty lines and instead operate from the mindset that you’re generally trying to see what she’s like. You want to see if she is good for you, not the other way around.

 

Roaching: The Newest Dating Trend and How to Prevent It

Dating is more tedious now than it has ever been. With trends such as stealthing and ghosting on the rise, it’s enough to make you want to give it up altogether. Wait, it gets worse. Not only do you have to worry about deceitfulness in the bedroom or never hearing from the person you thought it was going well with, but now there’s a new trend you should be worrying about: roaching.

“Roaching”, a term originated by Askmen, describes the phenomenon of someone not being honest about the fact that they are seeing multiple people. The term gets its name from the theory that if you see one roach, there are plenty more that you don’t see. While the act itself is not new, it now can be labeled and help bring awareness to the dating world.

First of all, let’s be fair. If you are single, you SHOULD be dating multiple people. After all, the point of dating is to test your options and date around until you discover what you like and don’t like in a partner until you eventually find someone for you. The problem occurs when you’ve found someone for you but that someone also has someone (or a few someones).

Thanks to social media and a multitude of dating apps, singles now have countless potential partners at their fingertips; the options are endless. This could partly explain the rise of infidelity in relationships and sexual promiscuity because there will now always be the notion that the grass may be greener on the other side. With so many options, it’s no wonder that people have multiple partners.

But who does roaching impact?

Sadly, there’s an unspoken idea that whoever cares the least in a relationship holds the most power. As your feelings develop more and more for a person you also run the risk of becoming more attached and consequently more vulnerable. When you start to feel like you care more than the other person, it may not necessarily mean that you are clingy or needy, but that person may care less simply because you are not the only one. You will never have all of their attention and affection.

How do you protect yourself from roaching?

Many people, particularly men, operate with the don’t-ask-don’t-tell mentality. As long as you don’t ask the essential dating/relationship questions, men won’t tell their intentions, which is perfectly fine. Men are naturally more shallow and inclined to explore their options sexually. It’s literally in our DNA. We are hunters by nature and we will sleep with a woman at the drop of a dime and not think twice. This brings me to my next point and should help answer the question mentioned above.

Roaching really becomes an issue when sex is involved. Ladies, it is your responsibility to ensure that you know what you are getting into before having sex with a man. Unless you are only looking for casual hookups it is your responsibility to have the define-the-relationship (DTR) conversation.  Before having sex, you are the one who should be asking, “What are your intentions? Where is this going?” Sure, you run the risk of coming off too emotional or attached, you should be. Sex for women should not be taken lightly; it’s more of an emotional experience for women whereas it’s primarily just physical for men. Never assume that the act of having sex automatically means you are in a relationship. This is a surefire way to get your heart broken when you eventually hear those tragic words “I never knew we were exclusive!”

Of course a man could lie and be sleeping around anyway but that’s something you cannot control and it speaks to the man’s lack of character. Getting played is a risk that comes with dating, and when it comes to protecting yourself, you need to be a superb judge of character. Of course the most practical solution for roaching is for the Roach to be open and communicate that they are dating or sleeping with multiple people but you can’t expect this type of integrity from people nowadays. Having the DTR conversation is your best chance to protect yourself from roaching. This goes both ways, because women can be Roaches too.

Heartbreak is a natural part of the dating process. You cannot expect to get through life without getting played or used at some point of time, that is naive. People are more deceitful now than they have ever been and it’s difficult navigating a dating world where people have such low morals. As you date around, be aware that whoever you are seeing may be dating around as well. Protect yourself from roaching by communicating effectively and establishing boundaries and trust with your partner. Good luck out there!

 

Being Single is Hard, but Don’t Give up on Yourself

Dating just isn’t working for you. You’ve been single for what feels like forever. You start feeling discouraged as you soon come to the conclusion that maybe you’re just undateable and you’ll be single for the rest of your life. Well, here’s some news: there are hundreds of thousands, likely more, singles who feel just as hopeless as you do. Being single is a lonesome experience, but hang in there. It’s important not to give up just yet.

Let’s begin with the very worst case scenario: you will be single forever. In the seemingly probable (but unlikely) case that you will be single for the rest of your life, you will realize that you will find freedom and excitement in the thought, not hopelessness and gloom. Just think how much you can accomplish when you remove the idea of  attracting and keeping a significant other. You have now cleared mental energy and space to pursue your own endeavors in order to lead a life you’ve always dreamed about. This should inspire you because now, instead of living with a lingering need to be with someone, you’re living a life on your terms. This is freedom. The irony is that this freedom mindset makes you more attractive than ever!

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to keep this freedom mindset when you’re constantly bombarded with “happy” couples all the time. Whenever you scroll down your timelines, you’re confronted with tweets, statuses, and memes that highlight all the perks of being in a relationship. These updates constantly remind you of what you’re missing out on and make you feel worse about being single than before you checked your social media page(s). When you’re constantly being exposed to these ideas, they’re being supplanted into your subconscious and they’re on the back of your mind all the time. This causes you to glorify the idea of a relationship and think about it more than you normally would. You start to feel like your life won’t be complete until you have that significant other.

Now you may be saying, “But humans are social creatures, we aren’t meant to be alone.” This is true. However, you must realize that things are not always as great as they seem. Every relationship is not a healthy one. Lots of couples are unhappy and there a very few couples who do not have their occasional fights and disagreements. Getting into a relationship will not solve your life problems, they will still be there. If you get into a relationship with the idea that it will be the one thing to complete your life, you will sadly be faced with the disappointing reality of “now what?” It’s fine to want a relationship, it’s even better to get into one. The point that I’m making is not to base your own happiness and fulfillment upon being in a relationship. This is unhealthy because you unknowingly  place your expectations on another person.

Not to mention, there’s the tedious process of dating itself. If you’ve been dating unsuccessfully for a while, you’re likely to experience dating fatigue. The idea of getting to know someone all over again is exhausting. You’re sick of the arbitrary “what kind of music do you like” get-to-know-you questions. You’ve unintentionally become a regular at your favorite bar or restaurant and the waiters know you by name. Even more, you haven’t even added up all the dollars you’ve wasted on dates. You could’ve bought a new wardrobe by now! At this point, you should reset and take a break. There’s a reason you’re not meeting the right person; it’s just not your time. Anything worth having is worth the wait and the work required to attain it. The problem with wanting a relationship (or anything for that matter),  is that we want it too badly. One of the odd conundrums in life is that whatever you pursue eludes you. We want things so badly that we somehow make it harder to get and we end up pushing it away. It’s up to you to stop searching externally and make changes within yourself; become the kind of person you want to attract instead of actively seeking that person.

You are not alone in your sinlgedom. It’s a painstakingly lonesome experience, I know. It’s important to understand that with every obstacle lies opportunity. The obstacle of attracting a significant other provides you with the opportunity to become the most attractive version of yourself. Realize that getting into a relationship definitely can help make your life better but it won’t always complete you. When being single gets hard, don’t give up yet, because you would be giving up on yourself.