Usually, I write motivating pieces to inspire people to develop themselves in order to put themselves in a better position in the dating world. I’ve decided to do something a little different today. I’ve hit a rough patch recently, which is to be expected for any serial dater. Today, I’m going to fill you in on why I’ve given up on dating for the immediate future.
1. I Just Don’t Have the Time or Energy
I am currently working 60+ hours/week between two jobs. During the day, I work in retail management then overnights at my gym. As you can imagine, with my schedule being so full it’s quite difficult to meet women in person. Sure, there’s endless potential to meet women at my gym but then I run the risk of coming off as a creep. When I first started there I took advantage of my opportunities to meet women but soon realized that not only was this unprofessional, I’m pretty sure I creeped a few women out. I honestly believe the gym (contrary to what many dating sites/coaches suggest) is one of the worst places to meet women. Most women who go to the gym are there with the sole purpose of working out. Big surprise huh?
The other thing about that is now I’ve created an awkward tension between myself and the women I’ve expressed interest in. This puts them in a weird situation because now they may be thinking, “Great, I can’t work out at this particular time of day because the guy at the front desk is going to hit on me. Maybe I’ll switch gyms.” It’s a lose-lose for both parties.
Then, there’s my retail job. I don’t approach women here anymore because it’s just unprofessional. I’ve done it quite a bit and the risk is not worth the reward. At best, I’ve gotten a date or two. At worst, I’ve lost the potential to make sales at my chosen workplace and this could cost my company.
Even on my off days, I’m simply too tired to want to do anything. I’ve got hobbies to indulge and sleep to catch up on, so I’m not enticed to go out and meet people. Online dating helps a lot in my particular situation and is actually my preferred method of meeting women because it gives me the opportunity to swipe right in my rare free time.
2. Rejection has Hurt my Willingness to Put Myself Out There
No one said that being single and looking would be easy. Life itself is a constant struggle for acceptance. Whether you’re applying for a job, college, or even for a loan you are constantly putting yourself out there with the risk of being turned down. Now, this is not a self-pitying outlook; it’s more like a call to action.
In my opinion, I put myself out there more than the average joe. Ever since high school, I’ve gone after the women I’ve wanted. I’ve approached women in school hallways as a high school and college student, bus stops and train stations as a commuter, and even out in bars as a horny twentysomething. Sure, every “no” I get brings me closer to a “yes” but after a while this gets demoralizing. Honestly, I should approach more if I want to get the results I’m seeking but there may be a bigger picture here.
I’ve taken my recent string of rejections as a sign. I think I need to shift my priorities and focus on bigger things than dating. This allows me the opportunity to make myself more attractive by working on career advancement, personal development, and mastery of my crafts. Instead of going out and approaching women in my current unconfident state, I have been focusing more on being a better me.
To be honest, the relationships that have worked best for me were the ones that happened naturally. I was focusing on living my life and this attracted women into my life who were genuinely interested in me and I didn’t even have to try.
3. “What You Pursue Will Elude You”
Here’s an extended quote by an entrepreneur named Jim Rohn:
“If you want to have more, you have to become more. Success is not something you pursue. What you pursue will elude you; it will elude you; it can be like trying to chase butterflies. Success is something you attract by the person you become. For things to improve, you have to improve. For things to get better, you have to get better. For things to change, you have to change. When you change, everything changes for you.”
I wholeheartedly believe that this applies to dating. For too long, I’ve been wanting to meet someone so bad that I’ve actually repelled them. It sounds weird but I believe it’s true. It’s almost as if the women I meet can smell my desperation. This could be detected in my anxious tone of voice or perhaps from the lustful look in my eyes. The point is, I want it too bad. Just like in point number two, I need time to focus on being better so that I can attract better.
This post isn’t meant to discourage anyone from putting themselves out there, I actually encourage it. This post isn’t me wallowing in self-pity with thoughts of being forever alone; I don’t believe that for one second. This post is to motivate anyone out there who is currently in a dry spell. You’re going to hit a rough patch when it comes to dating. You will get to a point where things seem hopeless and you will feel unlovable. This is okay. Perhaps it’s an indicator that you need to shift your focus and do some self-work. It’s rough times like these that you need to be patient and believe that what you’re looking for is just around the corner.